December 2001

December 27, 2001:
Hi everybody, how are all of you today? I’m not too bad, myself. If fact, I’m about to go bike riding. I’m sooo bored; it’s not even funny. I want to go out and do something, but I’m scared to death of calling any of my guy friends, for fear of letting them on or something. And I don’t have much luck with girls either. Not like I want to spend much time with them anyways. After all, I am a girl. I don’t need more of me to hang with. Argh. This annoys me to no end. I’m sure if I called a guy he wouldn’t think anything of it, but I’m still worried about it, you know? I want to go dancing. I don’t have any homework left, so it’s not like I couldn’t. I got a dog for Christmas, except that I have to pay for all of its health stuff, which is really fun, huh? So in reality, I got permission to have a dog, I didn’t really get one. That’s okay, I don’t mind too much, but now I need a job to pay for my dog along with all my other expenses. So, yesterday I went out and got a bunch of applications for places like Taco Bell, Jack In The Box, and Ross near where I live. And that means I need a résumé… which I’m working on as I write this? So maybe I won’t go bike riding… Boo. Job hunting sucks.

December 25, 2001: The Christmas Edition
Did you know that Christmas has Pagan roots? Everything from the mistletoe, to the Yule log on the fire, to the Christmas trees, to the tradition of caroling and of gift-giving, to Santa Claus himself (whose real name is the Holly King of Celtic tradition). It’s all Pagan. And have you ever wondered when the baby Jesus was really born? In reality, Jesus birth was probably more near to Easter (which also has Pagan roots, but that’s another story) than it was to Christmas. A lot of “Christian” holidays are really superimposed Pagan holidays. This is because when the Church in Europe wanted to convert all of the “heathens” to Christianity, the officials couldn’t get people to buy the Virgin birth crap (would you, if you were Roman and had your own perfectly good set of Gods and Goddesses already?), so they superimposed it over a Pagan holiday that was already there, Yule. Yule is the Winter Solstice, generally on December 21st, and the officials only moved it a couple of days (to the 25th) so that they could say that it was Christian. To get people to convert, the Church basically molded itself around what was already there, rather than trying to genuinely make others believe what they believed was the truth. Bunch of bull sh*t, huh? I agree. Just thought I’d educate you people on that. FYI.

December 20, 2001:
I just got home from a Choral concert, the holiday one. In case any stupid people don’t know what “Choral” is, it’s choir, as in singing. Anyways… The Concert Choir, the group I’m a part of is about 40 students of all parts (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, and Baritone/Bass), was a little shaky before the concert, but then we pulled our act together right before we went on, and we totally rocked the house. Yay for us, huh? I’m an Alto. I always seem to end up on the top row, which only accents my height (I’m tall for the average teenager). People on the top row are the ones who are supposed to know their parts the best, and while that’s not usually the case for me, it was for this concert, of which I’m really proud. Just so everyone knows. 😉 Anyways, the guy I’m crushing on, even though he’s a player (remember him?) was there, which totally surprised me. Then, of course, I realized that he was there because he’s in Journalism and had to do a report on the concert. Typical. Maybe, just maybe, though, he was, in some small tiny part, there for me. Now don’t get me started. All right, that’s enough. Before I go off on a love-sick tangent, I’m going to stop. Have a nice day.

December 18, 2001:
Have you ever noticed that when people ask you how you are they don’t really want an answer? This annoys me. People just expect you to say something like “Oh, I’m fine, thanks.” and then move on. They don’t actually think maybe you need someone to talk to or anything. Oh well, moving on there. Ok, so this me-liking-a-guy thing is getting out of hand. I’m jealous of the poor girl he likes? which is sad, since she’s not much competition… She is cute, though. He’ll kill me if he ever finds out I don’t think too highly of her, which sucks for me. Oh well for me I guess, huh? I’m having a bad day, to say the least, let’s just say that, ok?

December 15, 2001:
Aight, I feel pretty crappy today… I think it’s that time of the month, you know? Grrr, that time of the month really makes me mad… I feel crappy, and I can’t have as much fun as the rest of the month, and, oh sheesh, I just feel bad. Tonight I’m going to a “Twisted Christmas” party. The original date was supposed to be before or right after Halloween (Samhain, for me) but the people putting it on (which includes me) didn’t have time then, so we made it into a Christmas party that we wear Halloween costumes to, cool, huh? I probably won’t update this site everyday, but right now it’s my new toy, so I’m playing with it… Haha… me and my sick mind right there. Ok, now I’m going to go dress for this party thingy… I’m going as an Ice Queen. What do you think of that? No, wait, don’t tell me. I’m not sure I want to know.

December 14, 2001:
I had a pretty blah day today. One of my friends noticed the me-falling-for-a-guy thing I wrote yesterday and was laughing at me because we both know that this guy is a total player? but I have to say, he smells good. I just had to mention that. Anyways… Players just aren’t my type. I generally like trendsetters. The people who don’t care what anyone else thinks of them and thus have a very cool style that’s genuine. This guy that I’m falling for is like that, even though it’s impossible to tell on the outside. But he’s also a player. I have to keep reminding myself that. Player, player, player. I wonder what he would say if he read this and knew it was him. Hehe, probably laugh at me. No big deal. I’m a big girl now and I can cope. I’ll eventually get over him and he may never know about it. Still, he did want some of the mistletoe from the band fundraiser “mistletoe grams” this last week. Ah, woe is me.

December 13, 2001:
I’m annoyed today. With everyone. I’ve never liked Thursdays anyways, block day and everything. I’m in Colorguard, not cheerleading. That’s with the big flags, and rifles, and sabers. We’re stronger, and, if I do say so myself, cooler. And we work our @$$es off competing. AND we have no off season. Field season first semester, Winter season second semester, and training and basics during the summer. Now, if the cheerleaders at my school competed like we do, I might have more respect for them, but for now, they suck. Not that all cheerleaders suck, quite the contrary. Some are veeery good. Aight, moving on. I’m falling hard for a guy, which is really weird for me, since I don’t usually. Usually, I’m all for the girl population. And yes, I’m a girl. And no, I won’t sleep with you on the first date. So get over yourself. Anyways, this guy probably knows who he is. Actually, he might not know who he is. He thinks I’m a lesbian. But you know me. My sexual preference just can’t make up its mind. He’s the first guy I ever went out with on an official date; you know all the parental crap that guys have to go through. Anyone want to help me out here on this liking-a-guy thing? Email me.

December 12, 2001:
I do what I want, when I want. Actually, no, I don’t. But I like to pretend I do. That way I feel more in control of my life. If you know me (and about two people do the way I’m talking about), then you know that I’m a pessimistic control freak. Doesn’t it suck sometimes the way pessimism is all too often realism? But, in the end, I’d rather be a pessimist who is pleasantly surprised once in a while rather than an optimist who is let down nearly all the time. I was talking about that with one of my friends, and no, I’m not telling you his name, since I don’t have permission. I’m really big on asking for permission for things like that. Don’t ask why; I don’t know. Oh, by the way, I’m for gay and lesbian rights, and if you have a problem with that, go screw yourself.

Viannah E. Duncan

Viannah E. Duncan is a writer and activist hailing originally from Los Angeles. She lives outside of Baltimore, Maryland, and holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Wilkes University. She has a cat, Cleo.

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