February 2003
by V.E. on February 28th, 2003
filed under anime/manga, evewasframed, personal, quizzes/surveys, school
February 23, 2003:
I’m tired of being alone. And I’m tired of waiting for “the right One”. I’m tired of people telling me what a nice, wonderful person I am but no one… well, no one loves me. And I mean LOVE, not just love. I mean, I know my parents love me. That’s all fine and dandy. And I know my friends love me. But not in the way I’m talking about. I want someone who I want to want me. Why do I always have to be nice and wonderful? Why can’t I just take whatever the damn hell I want, like every one else does? Why do I always have to be the mature one? Everyone takes things from me, why can’t I just do the same thing? Not material things, mind you. Not something I can easily replace. OH, NOOO… it just has to be something like MY HEART. I want to be selfish and rude for once and use someone… “seduce” them, maybe and then leave them in the cold like I’ve been so many times. I want to hurt someone like I’ve been hurt. I want someone to feel what I feel. I want to steal someone’s heart and then lead them on (on purpose… with the kissing, and the hugging… and the whole bit) and then “get scared” and dump them. Even worse, I’ll dump them ONLINE.
You Have Me / Woe that you ever looked upon / Me in such a fashion / For now it is but foolish / To try to resist. /// For the slightest glance / Will send whirling thoughts / To the ends of the / Earth and back again. /// And curse you for your / Gentle touch and smile / For now it is worthless / To think and reason. /// For your fingertips chancing / Over mine carelessly / Deliver the heart into / Your able arms eternally. /// And kindness is certainly / Unbecoming of you / For it is now impossible / To consider anyone but you. /// For your words mar the soul, / Inescapable in this world, / And I can do nothing but / Fall desperately in love with you.
Yes, I wrote that. And yes, it’s called “You Have Me”. Crap. I can’t believe I’m not over her yet.
February 11, 2003:
I just read the most HILARIOUS piece ever. The site is: Anime Expo 2001: Yaoi Panel discussion notes. Don’t let the name deceive you. It’s long but well worth reading, if you want some laughs. The topic of conversation went from pet peeves to how to hide your yaoi collection to shouta (if you don’t know what that is, look it up). The crowning glory, though, was these four lines, spoken by three panelists, regarding interesting yaoi pairings they’d come across:
- Tanzy (first panelist): Most disturbing one I ever saw was a Pokemon crossover, Vincent and Pikachu.
- Sahari (second panelist): I did not need to hear that.
- M. Moneurere (third panelist): I remember one of the… one was Pikachu and Vincent.
- Sahari: THAT’S JUST WRONG! PIKACHU ANYTHING!
I read that and totally cracked up! It was so great! If you don’t get it, put your mind in the context of YAOI and reread it. It’s pretty bad, huh? Now, I know that some of you devoted fans of mine aren’t into “that sort of thing” (read: don’t like yaoi, shonen-ai, and/or slash) but trust me on this one. Just read the thing. It’s so great. And for those of you who DO like “that sort of thing”, the panel discussion introduces lots of yaoi I’d never even heard of before. Plus, it officially named Mobile Suit Gundam Wing a “gateway yaoi”!!! That’s SO COOL! (And now for our regularly scheduled quiz, right on time, as usual.)
Yes, so over the weekend, I watched all of the anime series Trigun and fell in love with it. It also made me remember why I’m still living and made me strong again. An epiphany, of sorts. I don’t think any other anime… or any other TV show, for that matter, has ever done that to me before. Anyway, if you’ve never heard “Sound Life”, which is Rem’s song on the series, or don’t know what I’m talking about when I randomly burst into “Love and Peace! Love and Peace!” then you seriously need to update yourself and watch Trigun. Just thought everyone should know that. And I’ll try not to give TOO much of the plot away. Heh. No promises.
February 5, 2003:
I realise I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been feeling pretty tired and down lately, but I think it’s just the Lady telling me I need to slow down and smell the flowers, so to speak. At least, I hope that’s all it is. Anyways, I’ve been applying to colleges and scholarships like crazy, so I hope I get into a college and have a scholarship or two to help me pay it off. Oi. Well, here’s to hope, ne? Last night, I seriously wanted to just lay down and die, but then a friend of mine said this to me, and I quote: “I look at them and I see something I expect to see. I glance at them out of the side of my vision or sometimes when I’m just staring blankly, and for a minute, I see them as someone else. You’re one of the few people who actually looks better during these moments, while :::name deleted for privacy::: and :::name deleted for privacy::: look plainer. I like having you around.” I burst out crying. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know why my friend sees me that way, but I’m eternally grateful to him for it. At least I know someone cares.
On another note, today in school we had a Senior assembly to talk about caps and gowns for graduation. Girls get “gold” (that means yucky yellow) and boys get “cardinal” (that means dark red). I’m peeved because boys ALWAYS get red caps and gowns and girls get stuck with trying to make their complexion fit their yellow caps and gowns. It’s insanity, I tell you, INSANITY. Also, I tried out for the chorus of this year’s all-school musical, which is Guys and Dolls. Not my favourite piece, and certainly not one I’d have picked, but you know. Beggars can’t be choosers. I just want to dance and sing at the same time. It’s SOO much fun. If you’ve ever been in a musical, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, you don’t, and don’t try to get me to explain it, because it’s unexplainable.
Never been to an anime convention, always wanted to go though.