April 2003
by V.E. on April 30th, 2003
filed under evewasframed, personal, quizzes/surveys, school
April 30, 2003:
I’ve been reading Angel/Spike and Angelus/William slash again and have been itching to write some slash myself… but my Muses haven’t spoken to me in a while. I think they’re also the reason I’m having trouble with the Odds McGee story, although I’ve written a little of that. Not nearly enough, though. And recently I read some Lucius/Harry… and liked it. And it was graphic, of course. That made it more disturbing than normal, on my part. And I don’t know why, exactly, but these quizzes seem appropriate right about now.
Sam
Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
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What’s your brand of sexy?
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A friend of mine asked today at lunch what my ultimate limit is. As in, give her an example of something I’d never do, no matter what the circumstance. I’ve been thinking about it since then. And I haven’t found my ultimate limit yet. I have found a limit if love is discounted. As it is quoted in Kissing Jessica Stein, “That which is done out of love surpasses good and evil.” So, not counting what I’d do out of love, here are my limits: murder, Edge play, coprophilia, watersports, asphyxiaphilia, “bear false witness against my neighbor”, whore myself, condone intolerance, harm someone else on purpose, curse in daily language. All right… Those are my ultimate limits. If I think of anymore, I’ll let you know. Feel free to test me so you can find out more of my limits, if you want, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. And when love comes into the picture, everything changes. When my love is strong enough, what I will do in its name is limitless. That’s actually pretty sick, if I think about the some of the things I would allow in the name of love. I sort of feel like Buffy when she sent Angel to hell in situations like the ones I can imagine. Counter her love for him and her love for the world. It takes courage and sacrifice to choose the world over True Love.
April 23, 2003:
A friend of mine asked an open question in her deadjournal, which I shall quote and then answer to the best of my ability. It’s been edited for readability. On Sunday, 20 April 2003, at 23:59 PDT, she wrote: “What, to you, is love? … When you hear the word, does it make you happy, sad, infuriated, swoon, frustrated, indifferent, or something else? Is it something that brings a single person to mind? Or perhaps it brings a whole bunch of people to mind? Do you “believe” in it? Have you been “in” love? Do you even think it’s possible to be “in” love? What kind of love is the first that comes to mind? The kind between lovers, the kind within family, the kind between close friends? Do you usually associate love with sex? Do hippies who say crap like “Feel the love!” bug the crap out of you? Please post comments, anonymously if you like.” Now, I’d say just right off that that’s a tall order, you think? With all the question marks and everything. Sigh. This is going to be a long complicated answer. As usual. Here it is, as of today:
Love is complicated. Many people mistake it for something else, or mistake the kind of love they feel for someone and it often gets them into trouble. What is love to me? When I am loved I feel that warm feeling inside and I feel such strong feelings of happiness that all I can do is sing and dance because my heart will have no less of me. When I love someone else it’s often the same feeling, especially when the feeling is returned. More often than not, though, I’ve been feeling sick when I feel the romantic kind of love, because fear is a big part of it. When I hear the word “love” I feel sort of a smiley sadness. Glad that someone thinks they’re in love, wonderful even, if they are, but a great sadness for all those who misunderstand the word and live to tell about it, for the pain is real to someone who’s tasted love and no longer has it to quench their thirst. Love doesn’t really bring anyone to mind, except the Lord and Lady. I know they love me with all their being, and I love them with all of mine. As for love not so divine, however, I’m at a loss. I wrote this poem and it sums up what I think of love.
