2005 August 10 : duncan heights

Homophobia

by V.E. on August 10th, 2005

“I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to ‘my kind.’

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.”

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

Posted in ladyamedeus, lgbt, personal | 3 Comments

AIM Conversation; evening of 09 August 2005

by V.E. on August 10th, 2005

filed under health, ladyamedeus, personal

HIM: I’m sorry about that phone call the other night
ME: it’s all right
HIM: what did I say?
HIM: because I said some stuff to Daylin
ME: what did you say to her?
HIM: oh I just listed off my girl problems
HIM: and then said something about loving you, haha
ME: you did?
HIM: yeah
ME: interesting
HIM: yeah
ME: well, you said somethings to me, nothing bad though..
ME: you sang me “You are my Sunshine”
ME: …
ME: it was odd
HIM: did I really
HIM: haha, sorry
HIM: yeah that was probably a throwback
ME: it was all right
ME: I could tell you weren’t all there
ME: so I didn’t really take what you said seriously
HIM: ok thanks
HIM: Vi I really need to stop doing that
HIM: I’m sorry
ME: I know
HIM: I don’t want to anymore
ME: forgiven
ME: do you need help?
HIM: I need someone to take my mind off drinking to get drunk
HIM: I don’t want to drink all the time
ME: do you do those things now?
HIM: but whenever I do, I usually do it to just get drunk
HIM: what things?
ME: drink to get drunk
ME: or drink all the time
HIM: I don’t feel a need to
HIM: but if the opportunity is there I usually do
HIM: and I know it’s to drown the loneliness
ME: well, I’m not AA or anything, but I know if you feel like you’re drinking too much, you are
HIM: yeah, I know
ME: How can I help you?
HIM: I don’t know if you can
HIM: I can stop it, the problem is that so many social gatherings are linked to it
ME: all right, well, I support you. And if you feel pressured or something you can always call me, or come over (at school) or whatever
HIM: It’s not so much pressure as filling a void
ME: you can call me for that too
ME: if I don’t pick up
ME: I’ll always call you back
HIM: talking won’t solve it at this point, that’s the only problem
HIM: I”m all talked out about it
ME: you don’t have to talk about IT
ME: just talk about something
ME: to take your mind off of it
HIM: I don’t know
HIM: I doubt that will work
HIM: Vi this is sort of something that’s getting to the core of me
ME: what? The drinking, or the void?
HIM: I always rant about it when I’m drunk, I dream about it, I get chronic depression from it
HIM: the loneliness
HIM: the drinking doesn’t frighten me
HIM: or make me sad
HIM: being so goddamn lonely does
ME: and you drink to not be lonely?
HIM: I drink to make me feel something else
ME: I don’t know what I can do to help, or even if you WANT help, but I’m here if you need it, okay?
HIM: I just need to find someone to give me hope
HIM: and hang out with or something
ME: Well, if it means anything to you, you’ve given ME hope in the past.
ME: I know it’s not reciprocal
ME: but I want you to know that you’re not alone
ME: I’ve gotta sleep, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?
ME: love you. night.