Bennett’s growing up; I’m growing up.
by V.E. on February 22nd, 2006
filed under ladyamedeus, personal
Something very cool has been happening in my relationship with Bennett recently. Put simply, he’s opening up. I no longer feel like I don’t know him at all and we’ve grown closer as a couple in the past month or so. I still worry that he’s just putting up with me out of inertia and lethargy, but something happened today to contradict those thoughts. He said, “You’re awesome” and randomly reached over and kissed me. And it wasn’t just a fluke thing. He repeated that about 10 or 12 times over the course of three and a half hours this evening.
I’ve learned not to deny a compliment vocally, so I just said “thank you” the first few times. But after a while, when he kept saying “You’re awesome” (and kissing me, which I didn’t mind), I asked him, “Well, it’s nice that you say that, but you know I don’t believe you.” He replied with, “You frakking put up with all the shit I put you through… Damn, woman, you washed my FEET* for Christsakes.” And here I was thinking that I was the one putting HIM through a bunch of shit. Nice to know the feeling was/is mutual.
I also learned (or rather, I knew already, but it just recently sunk in) that he has veeeeery low self-esteem. I have higher self-esteem, and that’s saying a LOT. So, I’ve been more careful about teasing and berating him and kicked the compliments up a notch. I think it’s helping a little, but heaven knows that it took ME over a year, a visit to the psych ward, quite a bit of blood loss, and sacrifices in my education before I began to believe that I was/am actually worth it. I have my work cut out for me, but I think I’m up to the challenge. I want him to succeed and be happy, and as long as he manages to make ME happy (it’s gotta be a two-way street, after all), I’m going to stick by him.
*Note: Yes, I actually did wash his feet the other day, but let me explain. He was having a really shitty day and my mother once showed/taught/told me that when someone’s feeling bad, wash their feet for them and it will do three things. 1) they will feel much cleaner all over; 2) it’s an unconscious connection (at least in Western cultures) to Jesus’ idea of “washing away your sins”; and 3) the person knows you love them because you washed their dirty, stinky feet. Also, on a more personal note, it makes me happy to cause other people joy, so I didn’t mind washing his feet at all. The (positive) change in his demeanor was completely worth it.
hey that’s great you guys are doign better. Is he staying in your room? Did you get a roommate? Good luck with the diplocon thing this weekend.
…I did NOT know you were going out with him! You need to tell me this story.