Thoughts on significant others
by V.E. on March 9th, 2006
filed under ladyamedeus, personal, thoughts
You know what would be really nice right now? Snuggling up with Ben and some hot chocolate and watching some girly movie like Ella Enchanted while he brushes my hair. I think that would be one of the best dates ever.
On that note, I was asked to list the top ten non-negotiable things I will have in my life partner/husband/wife/whatever. So, with a bit of explanation for each one,
- Belief in God. I need my guy (or girl) to believe in God. It doesn’t need to be like “Christian belief” or “Wiccan belief” or anything–just belief in general. I’m pretty flexible with the other person’s dogma, but the fundamental ground floor needs to be there. Have you ever thought about what it would be like without God? To me, it’s pretty scary and depressing. I do NOT want to be responsible for all the shit that happens in the world, since without God, I have only myself and thus the blame falls upon me.
- Intelligence & love of learning. My partner doesn’t have to be formally educated, but s/he DOES need to love to read and learn. I want him or her to be like a knowledge sponge, soaking up everything s/he can all the time. I’m all about life-long learning.
- Honesty. The person with whom I spend my life needs to be honest with me. I’d rather have my feelings hurt once in a while because s/he’s being honest with me than second guess everything s/he says because I’m not sure s/he’s telling the truth. This person should not only be honest with me, but with all the important people in his or her life.
- Loyalty. I need someone I know is going to stick by me through thick and thin. I don’t mean s/he should be my puppy dog–that’s a huge turn off for me. My partner and I should be able to be angry with one another and even sleep in separate rooms if it gets that bad, but when the shit hits the fan, we’re on the same side. Think Caprica Sharon and Helo from Battlestar Galactica (new version). That goes for flirting, etc, with other people, too. Flirt, faun, whatever… but when I’m feeling insecure, I need to know that I’m the only one.
- Passion. I mean this in two ways.
- First, the person I spend my life with needs to be passionate about something. The kind of passion that makes me interested in the topic as well. And I don’t mean “I can drink you under the table” kind of passion. For example, my passion is helping people and lifting up the underdog. Hence, my work with GLBT rights and helping abused women get their lives back. I like helping people. It’s what I do. Now, my person doesn’t need to have my passion, but s/he must have something that is really important to him or her, something s/he does regardless of what other people say about it.
- Second, this person should be passionate in bed. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing every time, but it does need to be enjoyable for both of us every time. That’s pretty self explanatory.
- Motivation & the drive to succeed. I don’t mean my guy (or girl) has to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company at age 35, but s/he must show ambition and the willingness to tramp through the shit in life to get to the good stuff. If that means taking cartooning classes with an evil teacher so s/he can be a professional artist, fine. It just needs to be something.
- Love for family. My mother once told me, “Watch how your boyfriend treats his siblings; that is how he will treat you once he is comfortable with you. If he has no siblings, watch how he treats his pets. Does he respect his parents? If he doesn’t, he probably won’t respect you either.” Family (pets included) is really important to me. It must be important to my partner, too. S/he needs to love his or her own family and be on good terms with mine, and visa versa. Also, kids. I’m vehemently against having children at this point in my life, and honestly, I don’t see that changing, but I secretly harbor a serious desire for kids. Having a kid or two needs to be on the radar for my partner; maybe not now, maybe not ever, but it needs to be a serious possibility.
- A backbone. I am NOT attracted to pushovers. They can be amusing at times, but mostly I’m annoyed by subservience. I’m not talking about someone who will control me, but I don’t want to have to deal with someone who needs me to control him/her. I need my significant other to stick up for him/herself when it’s important. If s/he let’s me walk all over him or her, I eventually will, whether I mean to or not.
Okay, looks like that’s all I can think of for now. You’ll notice I used both male and female pronouns throughout–gender is not important to me. Also, physical characteristics are always fluid. I mean, how could I say “only brunettes” and really mean it? I’d be cutting off the hot blonds and redheads. No, appearance isn’t on the top of my list either. This list is comprised of those things which MUST be in my potential partner for me to consider a life with him or her. Everything else is negotiable.
