Ten Things Women Should NEVER Do for Free

Copyright Veronica Monet 2002

1. BLOWJOBS
2. FAKE AN ORGASM
3. DATE MARRIED MEN
4. PUT ON A GIRL/GIRL SHOW
5. ENGAGE IN SEX ACTS THAT TURN YOU OFF
6. LAUGH WHEN HE ISN’T FUNNY
7. LET HIM WIN
8. LISTEN TO HIS PROBLEMS
9. WEAR CLOTHES YOU DON’T CARE FOR
10. HOUSEWORK

And here’s why…

1.) BLOWJOBS; Too many women hand out blowjobs without receiving orgasms in return. No wonder sex can lose its appeal for many women over time. If your man is expecting you to satisfy him in this way without some serious servicing of your pussy, then he is treating you worse than most call-girls are treated. Contrary to myth, men DO go down on prostitutes.

2.) FAKE AN ORGASM; The fake orgasm is one of the most important tools of the trade if you are a sex worker. But if you are having sex for fun or for love (and maybe both) then you shouldn’t get confused and start treating your love life like a job. If you are not actually having an orgasm, why fake one? Are you trying to protect his feelings? Hurry things up so he will stop and get off of you? Sounds like work to me. The only good reason to fake an orgasm is if someone paid you to do it.

3.) DATE MARRIED MEN; Married men who lie to their wives about seeing you can offer you sex and money. They cannot offer you honesty because they are not giving that to their wives. They cannot put you first because someone else is already in that position. They cannot put your feelings before their own because they don’t even do that for their wives and they have shared much more with her than they ever will with you (children, illness, deaths in the family, etc.). Most married men are truly great people. They just have a couple flaws if they are dating you: Dishonesty and Selfishness. If you choose to date a married man who is lying to his wife, you must be crystal clear on the fact that your relationship with him will NEVER be honest or monogamous. Even if he leaves his wife “for you” he will undoubtedly form one or two relationships to lie to you about. This is his relationship pattern and changing places with his wife will NOT change him. So unless you can live with the naked truth, leave the married men to the professionals who get paid to have professional boundaries.

4.) PUT ON A GIRL/GIRL SHOW; I remember when being bisexual carried a bit of a social stigma. Today, bisexuality for women has become so “hip” that many women pretend to enjoy sex with women. Maybe you just want to fit in. That’s understandable but considering all the health risks attached to sex, it makes more sense to pick sex acts that actually provide you with some level of pleasure. There is nothing wrong with experimenting to find out if you like sex with women, but if you are only putting on a sex show for a man, then you are doing sex work for free. Sex is not just for men. Sex is for women too. So do what you like and let him worry about what turns him on.

5.) ENGAGE IN SEX ACTS THAT TURN YOU OFF; It’s natural for couples to experiment and not all those experiments are going to be mutually satisfying. But once you have established that you do or do not enjoy a particular sex act, then act accordingly. You should not perform sex acts that you find disgusting, repulsive, painful, uncomfortable, or boring. Most high class call girls will not even engage in sex acts they don’t enjoy. And they are getting paid.

6.) LAUGH WHEN HE ISN’T FUNNY; Women learn to laugh at men’s jokes when they are little girls. Mothers teach their daughters to “protect the male ego.” Of course, men feel no such compulsion. If a woman says something stupid, her boyfriend or husband will usually be the first to point it out to her. So upbringing aside, why would you want to invest all this acting ability into a relationship that is suppose to be nurturing you? Laugh if he is funny. But don’t fake your laughter, otherwise you are acting. Acting is a profession. And actors get paid.

7.) LET HIM WIN; Ditto for letting him win. Whether it is an argument or a sport or some other competition, you have no business giving him a false victory. Now this is in fact what many business professionals will do when they are courting a client. Throwing the golf game or understanding his unique view on world politics may make good business sense but it is a terrible way to attempt intimacy.

8.) LISTEN TO HIS PROBLEMS; Women have been trained to listen to and validate feelings; and give advice and comfort. Men know this and they sure as hell don’t go to their buddies for that kind of healing. They come to us. Unfortunately, many men seem to think we women owe them nurturing. If they need to unload their feelings or have a good cry, then we are somehow duty bound to be there for them. I have been dumbfounded by the number of men who became outraged and indignant if I did not put my priorities on hold and act as their therapist. It was as if the very fact that I could meant I should. And if I was so cold-blooded as to suggest that a service of this importance should be compensated for, I was betraying all that is loving, nurturing and sacred about womanhood. Most men don’t put their wants and desires on hold to listen to women, let alone nurture them. Unfortunately, few men even know how to give the type of listening and validating they have learned to expect from the women in their lives. If your guy expects you to be there for him, but seems always to be too busy or tired when you need attention, then you are working as a therapist without pay.

9.) WEAR CLOTHES YOU DON’T CARE FOR; Most couples confer with each other about their wardrobe when they are getting ready to go out. “What are you going to wear?” is not just something women ask each other. Truth be told, there are probably more men being told what to wear than women. With one particularly sexist caveat: women are the only one’s whose clothing is censored because it might communicate that she is a slut. Unfortunately, what is attractive to one person may be sleazy to another. Some standards are a function of race, age and economic status. The important thing to keep in mind is that you should be the final judge of what is appropriate for you and of what type of message you want to send to the world about yourself. If your man thinks that is his job, then you are occupying the same place in his heart as his car. Since you are not property and you are not a paid escort, it is not his decision. He can offer feedback and an opinion, but that’s where his participation should end.

10.) HOUSEWORK; On average, wives perform two to three hours more work than their husbands do every week of their lives (http://www.gendercenter.org/husbandshousework.htm). That may not sound substantial but it adds up over the course of a year (104 to 156 hours which amounts to a 3 to 4 week vacation). If your significant other is supporting you, then household tasks may be a fair exchange for the time he is putting in on the job. But if like most households, you both work, you should be careful that the house does not become your responsibility in addition to the paid position you hold. Unless you are getting paid as a maid, housework is no more your responsibility than his.

…….

IN SHORT, DON’T BE A MAID, A THERAPIST, AN ESCORT, A PROSTITUTE, OR AN ACTRESS UNLESS YOU ARE ACTUALLY GETTING PAID. Relationships are supposed to be two way streets. In a professional relationship, services are exchanged for pay. In personal relationships we have every right to expect our partner to meet an equitable level of our needs just as they have a right to expect that from us.

Viannah E. Duncan

Viannah E. Duncan is a writer and activist hailing originally from Los Angeles. She lives outside of Baltimore, Maryland, and holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Wilkes University. She has a cat, Cleo.

4 thoughts on “Ten Things Women Should NEVER Do for Free

  • Monday, 31 July 2006 at 19:04:53
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    meh, I like giving head, and if it is a relationship, I will listen to his problems if he will isten to mine…

    Reply
  • Tuesday, 01 August 2006 at 01:06:55
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    I’d just hire a maid to be honest. Housework is the bane of my life.

    Reply
  • Monday, 14 August 2006 at 22:49:20
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    About listening to his problems…I think you and Eve are on paralell streets about this. It’s an equal exchange of services; you said so yourself. You listen to his problems, and he listens to yours. Sounds like a fair exchange to me.

    I agree with you on the giving head. I actually don’t like that to be reciprocated…most men (not all) can’t seem to get the right amount of pressure with their tongue. But hey, give me an orgasm another way and I call it a fair exchange.

    Reply
  • Tuesday, 15 August 2006 at 10:35:44
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    Exactly my thinking too.

    Reply

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