Let me explain…
by V.E. on January 27th, 2008
filed under entertainment, fyi, health, thoughts
Let me explain my most recent previous entry.
It’s not that I have (or once had) a crush on Heath Ledger, although I admire him greatly for his work as an actor, especially in the movies The Patriot, A Knight’s Tale, and Brokeback Mountain. It’s not that I knew him or even knew anyone who knew anyone who knew him. It’s not that I was his biggest fan in the whole wide world—I wasn’t really a fan at all, as far as fans go. Not anymore than anyone else was or was not a fan of his, anyway. It’s not that I’ve been following the developments in his death avidly—I haven’t been. Honestly, I’m not even sure how he died—I didn’t actually read any of those articles about him or his death.
Actually, when I first found out about Heath Ledger’s death, I thought it was a joke. A sick joke, to be sure, but still a joke. Now that I think about it, disbelief was my first reaction on 9/11, too. But that’s neither here nor there. My point is this: I felt like I was punched in the stomach because public figures aren’t supposed to have bad things happen to them. When a celebrity dies in his or her prime (Ledger was only 28, after all), it makes me feel powerless over my own life. If even they can’t escape death (or at least put it off for a long while) with all their resources and (presumably) expensive health care, how can I escape it or put it off? I don’t even have a job (still -_-).
And then, my thoughts snowball from there. What if I don’t do anything good—I mean really good—with my life before I die? What if I die tomorrow? Will I be okay, or will I be one of those ghosts that hangs around scaring the crap out of people because I have unfinished business and need the help of a corporeal being? What if I never write what I’m supposed to write? What if I don’t fulfill my destiny (or whatever you want to call it)? Do I even have a destiny, or is that something reserved only for famous people? Or, what if I do fulfill my destiny and the world no longer needs me? I’m not sure which is worse.
I don’t want sympathy. Heaven knows, Heath Ledger’s family needs it more than I do right now. But when a public figure dies young, celebrity or no, it makes me think. It makes me realize that I, too, am only human.
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