End radio silence
by V.E. on February 24th, 2008
filed under personal, thoughts
Meanwhile, here’s a Valentine’s Day rant. Late in posting the link, but I think it vaguely relates to this entry, if only because this entry is about (a former) love.
I saw Bennett today (before this), after a little over 2 months of no contact whatsoever. He was his normal self. He knows that I know where he lives now. Elvira, his current girlfriend, apparently hates me, even though we’ve said all of 5 or 10 words total to each other, including today. I met her at the apartment building door on her way out for her morning run. According to Bennett (who, admittedly, isn’t the most trustworthy person in the world), she thinks I’m some kind of “scheming cat” (his words, not mine, though the image that ran through my mind is amusing). She evidently has no problem judging other people, even when (or, especially when) she doesn’t know them. He says there’s very little grey in her world, only a lot of black and white.
Anyway, someone in the FDNY ran over his phone… which I think I remember happening before we lost touch, but I’m not sure about that, so I let it slide. I had contacted his dad (I’m pathetic, I know) and had written him a letter that included my cell number and new address just in case something like breaking his phone happened. He had my letter in his jacket pocket (I was surprised when he pulled it out) and said he’d struggled with calling me everyday for a week since receiving the letter, but obviously hadn’t actually dialed the number and called. Sheesh.
I did some digging and found his new address and basically stalked him. Only today, though. And only because I know he hates calling people on the phone. Christsakes, he’s worse than me. He was impressed with my detective work, and I warned him not to make me find him again. It was really uncomfortable for me… I’m not really the stalking type. I was relieved, though, that he was glad to see me. He said he doesn’t maintain friendships well: the only people who are still his friends after his disappearing multiple times are the ones who doggedly refuse to give up on him. He’s glad I haven’t.
But you know what? I kind of just pitied him. It’s obvious he’s not happy. Elvira isn’t helping, but if he moves out he’ll have to go back to his parents’ place and that would be considered a failure. Not that he wants to move out. I don’t think he does. In any case, I didn’t feel any happiness I was used to feeling when we were going out. He seemed more tired than usual. Generally, I mean, like life is wearing him down. I don’t know, maybe it is. But I didn’t really feel sorry him (he put himself in this situation, after all) except that the whole thing was just pitiful.
Plus, since she knew I was there when she left and he wasn’t there when she returned, he had hell to pay upon returning home. I kind of think that’s funny, in a sadistic way. I mean, I kind of wanted to see her yell at him. Even better if he blew up at her for being a jealous… person (not the original word I was thinking of)… and she stormed off and sulked. I think they might just deserve each other.
One interesting thing, though. Elvira has a habit of creating “bombs” (that is, difficult situations) in all her relationships because she never thinks she’s wrong or apologizes and is pretty hard-headed about The Way Things Should Be. So, Bennett’s had to disarm some potentially dangerous situations that she’s created. He’s good at that; if anyone can ease the tension between two or more estranged groups, it’s him. But, he’s getting tired of it because these people aren’t his friends or coworkers or family, they’re hers.
“She’s going to have do it for herself. I can’t keep smoothing things over forever,” he said to me this morning.
“Now you know how I felt,” I said. He looked at me quizzically. “When we were dating, I wanted so much to just make your pain go away. To just find a job for you and call all those people for you. But you had to do that for yourself. I couldn’t keep smoothing things over forever.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Could be he’s learning. Imagine that.
Is his phone still broken now? and is he keeping the same phone number?