A Long Distance Conversation
by V.E. on January 10th, 2010
filed under writing
“I need to get some things done tomorrow, and if I don’t, I can’t really see myself getting anywhere. I might not have a job unless I can motivate myself out of this pit.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“I’m not sure,” he paused, “Perhaps you can call me sometime in the day when the fear has me in its grip and talk me through it.”
“I can do that,” she replied. Then, “…How will I know when that will be?”
“Noon. If I haven’t gotten my things to do done by noon, I’m going to waste the day. I need to make a delivery of financial papers—”
“I get out of class at 12:20,” she interrupted, “is that okay?”
“—Yes, that’s good. And call my boss and beg slash explain. And mail off a parking ticket.”
“Okay. I made a note.” After a moment, she said, “You know it’s going to be okay, right?”
“I’m really afraid that it’s not. But hopefully it will be.”
A long pause.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to see you this weekend? I mean, if you’re trying to get yourself together—”
“I don’t know. I really want to see you. But,” his voice hitched, “I’m afraid.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t want you to spend money to come and see me as a wreck, and I’m worried that I’ll be so glad to see you it’s just going to cover up my problems. But,” he paused, “I also want to be held. Bad.”
“Well, okay,” she kept her voice gentle, “which do you think would be more beneficial?”
“I’m not sure. I’m not even sure about this weekend. I just wish things were simpler. I wish I was working. I wish I wasn’t so fucking petrified.”
“Shhh,” she soothed, “you don’t have to decide right now. I can talk to you tomorrow and we can go from there, okay?”
“Okay.”
“For now, just breathe.” She paused, and he took a deep breath. “Being scared is okay. I would like to see you, but I would like it more for you feel better.”
“I wish I were panicking, but for me fear is a paralytic. I’m just dead.”
“Well, that’s a type of panic—”
“Breathing might help, I guess,” he ventured.
“If nothing else, more oxygen goes to your brain. That can’t be bad.”
He laughed. “Sometimes I think it’s my big stupid brain thinking in circles that’s the problem.”
“So, more acting less thinking?” she asked. “As in: ‘Work now. Moresting later’?”
“I think that ‘Work now, moresting now, thinking about work later’ is more fitting,” he replied. She laughed. “Fucking ain’t exactly the most mental sport in the world,” he paused, thinking, “Certainly has a component, but I think it’s more valuable for what it takes the mind away from…”
They both laughed. “I love yah, girlie’o,” he said.
“I know.”
A Greek Prayer
by V.E. on January 10th, 2010
Eurydice, wait
at the edge of the River Styx
for Charon, who will take you across
that soulful sea to meet Cerberus,
who will eat you three times,
if you let him.
I have placed coins on your glazed
eyes for the ferry and a flute in your cold
hand to charm the dog so that you may pass safely
without me. I pray your great deeds as my wife
allow you into heaven and that you will greet
me with open arms when I meet you there.
I have not been given a second chance
to have you, my Eurydice, and so
I will see you only in death.
— — — —
25 November 2007
Fantasy
by V.E. on January 9th, 2010
We were sitting side by side on a bench in the park. His girlfriend didn’t know he was with me. I was the ex-girlfriend, after all; she’d be furious if she knew. But I was benign. I wasn’t going to try to steal him back. (Implying what? That she stole him away from me in the first place? WTF?) I got it; it was over between us. But he still knew me better than anyone in the world. After I lied to him, he still loved me, and I was still in love with him for that. But I knew it was over.
“…and then, when he reaches the top of the mountain,” he was saying, “he has to fight the oldest samurai in the world.”
“Can’t be that hard of a fight,” I said, “if the guy’s that old.”
“You know what I mean,” he chided before continuing.
I looked at him while he spoke. His jaw line was sharp, defined, and beautiful. The curly hair he tended not to care about was short but wild, and I wanted to run my fingers through it again, like I had so many times already. His grey-blue eyes sparkled when he talked about the latest manga he’d read. He liked sharing all things nerdy with me because he knew his girlfriend wasn’t interested. She cracked the metaphorical whip, and that’s what he needed now, not me. I was patient and, compared to her, introverted. We were quite literally white against black.
I lifted my knee and slid onto his lap facing him. He stopped talking mid-sentence. He didn’t know what to do with my sudden shift in posture. With one knee on either side of him, my skirt hiked up around his waist and I could feel his jeans on my inner thighs. I was feeling uncharacteristically aggressive.
“You know what I miss about you?” I asked him quietly, putting my arms around his neck and twining my fingers behind his head, “I miss your lips.”
“Jane…” He began, but I knew my sitting on his lap aroused him. I could feel it through his pants, and I smirked.
“I miss your dominance over me,” I continued, my voice low. “Are you the same way with her? Aggressive, dominant, in control?” I licked my lips at the last two words and he squirmed underneath me.
“Jane, we shouldn’t—”
“Oh, I know we shouldn’t, Ty. I know, but I want you anyway,” I interrupted. “I’m in love with you and you know it. You broke me a long time ago. But that doesn’t mean I’m not also an adult. I can control myself when I want to.”
“Then why are you—”
“Do you want me to stop?” He was silent. I moved my hands from behind his head and slid them up his shirt. His skin felt fantastic under my touch and his breath hitched. I smiled.
“I know you want me, Tyler,” I leaned into him and whispered in his ear. “I’m an adult,” I paused, “and I can’t help but lust after you.”
His breathing was heavy. I pressed my hips down into his lap and smiled when I felt him jump underneath me. “I’m your friend, but as far as she knows, you’re still fair game.”
“Jane, I don’t want—”
“Sshhh.” I put one finger on his lips. “You know what I learned when you called me that time and told me you felt guilty for hanging out with me and not telling her?” There was no response. “I learned that I’m aroused by your guilt.” His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“Don’t act so surprised, Ty,” I smiled down at him. His fingers were creeping up my leg as if he couldn’t help himself. “You’re aroused by tears; I’m aroused by guilt. I like it when you tell me you feel bad about being with me because I know you want to be with me anyway, despite what you say.”
“What we had isn’t—”
“I know,” I interrupted again. “It’s over. No more. We can’t go back. I know that. I’m not trying to, trust me.”
He looked up at me, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“But that’s why it’s so fun, isn’t it?” I grinned. “Don’t worry,” I continued, leaning to whisper in his ear again, “I’m not going to do anything to you.”
He seemed half relieved, half disappointed. I ran my tongue over his jaw line and he tilted his head unconsciously to allow me access to his neck. “It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been the dominant one. I’m going to have fun hunting you.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, partially drunk on the sex in the air.
“What I want is much more troublesome for you.” I knew he could hear the smirk in my voice, but he said nothing.
“I want you to think of me,” I said, grinding my hips into his and kissing his neck, “when you fuck her.”
Without thinking, he pushed me off his lap onto the ground. “You’re sick, Jane.”
I started laughing. I knew my command would hold. He knew it, too.
A taste
by V.E. on January 8th, 2010
WHACK.
“Gah!” Elle swiveled back to Gina with one hand to her face. “What the hell was that for, Gina?”
Gina grinned. “I like you like that.”
“You like my having a bloody lip?” She made to wipe the blood away with one arm, but the other stopped her.
Slowly, Gina leaned in and licked the red from Elle’s lower lip and chin before pulling back and sucking her fingertips for effect.
Elle groaned, half in frustration and half in arousal. “You’re insatiable. I don’t heal quickly, you know.”
Gina snorted. “I won’t even be able to see the bruise by this evening. You heal much too quickly for my taste.” Her distaste turned to a pout at the end of the statement.
Elle rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hide the twinkle there.
— — — — —
3 January 2009
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“Magnificent Obsession” lyrics
by V.E. on January 6th, 2010
filed under lyrics
SONG: Magnificent Obsession
BY: Steven Curtis Chapman
Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling like I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again
This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession
So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains
You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You
You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires
You are everything to me
What rape is.
by V.E. on January 5th, 2010
filed under fyi, health, personal, wtf
Rape:
The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
… or…
unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception
… or…
the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
… or…
sexual intercourse with a woman by a man without her consent and chiefly by force or deception
Therefore, Mr. Jakob Free:
When you post something like this asking feminists to “chill out” and then admit to being a rapist, don’t expect much sympathy. Just… don’t.
Sincerely,
V.E.
12 Moments 09: #1
by V.E. on January 5th, 2010
filed under 12 moments
This entry is part of 12 Moments in Anime 2009.
#1 is L and Light chained together. I jumped on the Death Note (wiki) bandwagon this summer (or late spring—I forget when it was exactly—but nevertheless: late, whenever it was). In my classic taste, I was thrilled to see Light and L chained together for a significant portion of the early part of the series. I can see the purpose in the story of chaining them together (L, after all, thought it was the only way), but really… it just makes for some serious fodder for yaoi fanfiction and fanart. I mean, after chaining them together in canon, how can you not slash them? Just sayin’.
