“Left at the Altar” review
by V.E. on February 11th, 2011
filed under recap/review, spirituality
Left at the Altar: My Story of Hope and Healing for
Every Woman Who Has Felt the Heartbreak of Rejection
by Kimberley Kennedy
Thomas Nelson Publishers
17 February 2009
Left at the Altar seemed like a good choice to review from Thomas Nelson in time for the St. Valentine’s Day holiday. The author explains, after all, that she was literally left at the altar and how she survived (and eventually thrived). Who doesn’t love a good heartbreak story right before the holiday of heartbreak? And really, everyone’s had a lover reject them sometime. I know I have. There’s something, Kennedy says, in this book for “every woman who has felt the heartbreak of rejection”.
Kimberley Kennedy seemed to have it all: a career as a prime-time news anchor in Atlanta, Georgia; a family who loved her; and a loving fiance. Then, on the day before her wedding, just before the dress rehearsal, her fiance met her in the priest’s office and said, “I just can’t do it.” And just like that, Kennedy’s life was torn apart. Not only had she been left at the altar, it was also news because she was a public figure (at least in Atlanta); everyone knew of her devastation and humiliation. Left at the Altar is Kennedy’s story of how she picked up the pieces—with God’s help, she says—moved on, and eventually learned to love life again. And it offers advice for other women who’ve been in similar (albeit probably less dramatic) circumstances as her.
God’s Word is quoted liberally throughout the book, and much of Kennedy’s advice expects the reader to believe in Christianity (notice I didn’t say “Jesus” or “God” or even “The Bible”); by the end of the book, I’d underlined so many passages and written in so many of the margins with angry responses that I doubt I’ll be able to resell this book—or even give it away. Kennedy’s advice just further entrenches the idea that men and women are simply created differently (and, therefore, should be treated differently). At one point she writes, “Over and over again God’s Word tells us how very valuable we are.” That may be true (though, actually, God’s kind of a douche, especially in the Old Testament; and he crucified his own son, so what does that tell you—taking the action at face value, I mean—about how much he values people?), but God only said we’re valuable as people, not as women.
Also, Kennedy completely ignores the reality that gays and lesbians live in this world, too, even Christian ones (gasp!). The text was so buried in the “men and women are different” dichotomy that there wasn’t even a token mention of how a woman could (or should) deal with rejection if it came from someone of the same gender. There’s even an entire section devoted to—brace yourselves, ladies—how it is possible for a woman to be happy and fulfilled and not have a husband. (Shocker!)
One thing I did find useful was the chart of the stages of grief (also here), which Kennedy adapted The Grief Adjustment Guide, the chart from which was actually adapted from another, older work. Obviously, I didn’t need to read Left at the Altar to get the only useful thing from it; the author took that from someone else?
Another thing I found really neat, which I hadn’t heard of before (even in all my years of attending church before I reached the age of majority) was an idea born of a conversation Kennedy had a with a friend who happened to be a pastor. “Was I supposed to tell God that I was okay with being single forever if that was his will for my life?” she asks the reader, “The truth is, I wanted to get married.” What the pastor told her, she says, literally changed her entire outlook on prayer and God from that moment forward. “He said, ‘Kimberley, if you want a husband, pray for a husband. God will either give you a husband or change your heart and take away your desire‘” (emphasis mine).
Near the end of the book, Kennedy says that things have basically come full circle. She doesn’t have a man in her life, though she wants one, but she produces a talk show, which she also hosts. That’s not true (anymore): less than six months after the book was published, she was fired from her job. Another type of rejection, she says, and now she feels like a fraud.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have finished this book if I hadn’t been reading it for a review. But then again, this book wasn’t really written for me (despite what the title says). In any case, it’s an easy read (written in an informal style that’s appealing) from the perspective of someone who agrees with the precepts; I don’t.
DISCLAIMER: I received Left at the Altar free from Thomas Nelson Publishers in return for a review of the book. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
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