30 Days of Truth 14

Day 14: Write a letter to a hero who has let you down.

Dear self,

This is going to be a downer letter, and you know why. You’ve wasted so much time being paranoid, obsessed, anxious, and afraid, and it’s about time to cut it out. You could be my hero; there’s so much potential. Maybe even you once were, but you’ve been disappointing me for so long that I don’t remember that far back. You need to get your shit together, and you know it’s not going to be easy or quick. I think you can get back there, back to that place where I’m not ashamed of you and you’re my hero again. I hope you can because I don’t know if I can survive it otherwise.

Remember: if it hurts, it’s okay to let it go. If you can’t figure it out today, you can try again tomorrow. I love the little guy, but Yoda’s “Do or do not; there is no try” is complete and utter bullshit. Sometimes all there is is “try”… Don’t take that permanent solution; don’t let the darkness convince you it’s the right path. I swear to you, it isn’t. I know you’re hurting and you’re afraid of change, but the truth is, change can be a good thing. It’s not all monsters and nightmares. There’s a ray of light in your life, and you’ve done the right thing so far to cling to it. Be wary, though, that you don’t extinguish it. Don’t put your hope into that one ray; find the light inside yourself. You know it’s there, it’s just been buried for so long that you can’t remember what it looks or feels like. There is no substitution for your own self worth.

You are worth it. You could be my hero; I know you could. You don’t believe it now, but trust me. Trust the ray of light you’ve clung to thus far. If you’re anxious, breathe. If you’re paranoid, breathe. If you’re obsessed, breathe. If you’re afraid, breathe. I know that sometimes that’s all you can handle; that’s okay. You’re not a lesser person because of what goes on in your mind. You’re hurting, but you’re going to get better, and then you’ll be my hero again.

One thing at a time.

Dum spiro spero,

30 Days of Truth

Viannah E. Duncan

Viannah E. Duncan is a writer and activist hailing originally from Los Angeles. She lives outside of Baltimore, Maryland, and holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Wilkes University. She has a cat, Cleo.

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