Category Archives: evewasframed

July 2004

Saturday, 31 July 2004:
To my future love: You are the new day… I will love you more than me and more than yesterday, if you can but prove to me, You are the new day. Send the sun in time for dawn; let the birds all hail the morning. Love of life will urge me say: You are the new day. When I lay me down at night, knowing we must pay, thoughts occur that this night might stay yesterday. Thoughts that we, as humans small, could slow worlds and end it all, lie around me when they fall before the new day. One more day when time is running out for everyone. Like a breath I knew would come, I reach for a new day. Hope is my philosophy; just needs days in which to be. Love of life means hope for me, You are the new day.

Wednesday, 28 July 2004:

I refuse to give in and get a live/deadjournal. I absolutely refuse. My avoidance of the phone is steadily becoming worse. A friend told me to work on it, but it’s becoming harder and harder to even take the phone with me when I go places. I don’t know what to do to work on it, so it is slowly going downhill. I think I have everything I need to make it better, only I don’t know how. It’s like I need to paint my room and I have paint, but no paintbrush. It’s really frustrating. And all the while it just gets worse. Sigh. So sad, actually. In other news, the Marriage Protection Act of 2004 passed in the House of Representatives 233-194 (with 8 not voting). It prevents federal courts from ruling on challenges to the Defense of Marriage Act. Now tell me, is this even possible? Will someone IM me or email me explaining if this is legal or not? I mean, I thought that Congress isn’t allowed to make a law that forbids courts from changing it/ruling on it. Isn’t that right? Someone explain it to me, please.

Sunday, 18 July 2004:
The motion to vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment failed 50-48. Thank you to all who called your Senators and put them in their place. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

June 2004

Tuesday, 29 June 2004:
I’m proud and honoured to announce the first donation EVER has been made to the Eve*Was*Framed Fund last evening by someone who shall remain nameless for the sake of his/her privacy. This person also pledged the same amount for the next two months, for which I am very grateful. So, everyone else, now that you’ve seen it done, you too can have the honour of donating to a Fund in need! If you would like to learn more about the Eve*Was*Framed Fund, or would like to donate, please contact me by email. Put “Eve*Was*Framed Fund” in the subject heading so I know that it’s urgent! All donations are tax deductible. A modest $5 (or more, if you so desire!) will be greatly appreciated by the Eve*Was*Framed Fund recipient.

Monday, 21 June 2004:
Hello everyone. I’m officially starting the Eve*Was*Framed Fund, a non-profit organisation that benefits the financially unstable and poor. That is… me. For a modest $5 (or more, should your lovely heart so desire!), you can help Eve pay her college expenses and even work on getting her own domain name so that you don’t have to deal with annoying pop-ups and unwanted page advertising. If you would like to learn more about the Eve*Was*Framed Fund, or would like to donate, please contact me by email. Put “Eve*Was*Framed Fund” in the subject heading so I know that it’s urgent! All donations are tax deductible, so please don’t hesitate to help out a Fund in need!

Sunday, 06 June 2004:
Guess how much I’m worth? $2,027,252.00. Interesting, huh? I encourage everyone to go to that site and find out how much they’re worth, and then let me know! Unless you don’t want to compare, of course. Whatever. It doesn’t matter to me, really. And now, a survey/quiz/thing.

Full Name = Not telling. If you know, good. If you don’t, tough luck for you.
Nickname = Eve, V, Lady V, and others.
Age = 19 years

Grade = sophomore in college
Birthday = Yes, I have one, just like everyone else.

People you live with = Isn’t this supposed to be: “People with whom you live”?
Their ages = Guess.

-Personal-
Girlfriend = I wish.

Who = Who?
Crush = Lots of people, but I don’t like crushes, really. I’d rather have someone I can count on to be there for me.
Who = … What, where, when, and how?
Best Friend(s) = censored for privacy

-Family-
Are your parents divorced = No.
Has either one ever been in a previous marriage = No.

How many siblings = Two.
Ya’ll get along? = Yes.
Do you get along with your parents = Yes, generally.
Do they punish you a lot = Um, that’s all relative.

-Other-

Eaten sushi? = What counts as “sushi”?
Been on stage? = Yes.
Been dumped? = Yep.
Had someone be unfaithful? = Yes. It was all fun and games!

Gotten in a car accident? = Yes. Three.
Hiked a mountain? = Yes, and a few canyons, too.
Made homemade cookies? = Of course. Who hasn’t?
Been in love? = Yes, once.
Seen the White House? = Yes. While on the March for Women’s Lives, a pro-choice march on Washington in April 2004.

Within last 24 hours…
Had a serious talk? = No
Hugged someone? = Yes
Gotten along well with your parents? = Yes
Fought with a friend? = No

Do you like to?…
Hug? = Yes, on occasion
Give back rubs? = If I knew how, I’d like it more, but I don’t mind all that much.

Take walks in the rain? = Yes, romantic ones.
If you got a tattoo, would it be a snake sliding down your spine? = Um… no. What kind of question is that?
What color is your floor/carpet in your room? = Dark blue.
What was the last CD you bought? = Hmm… Probably the soundtrack for The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.
If you chew gum, what kind? = Spearmint

Have you ever?
Danced around naked = Yes.
Lied about your bra size = No.

Gotten drunk = Nope, and I don’t ever plan to.
Run away from cops = No, but I should’ve once.
Flip off your parents behind their backs = No
Mentally undressed someone = Hmm… not in my immediate recollection, but I’m sure I have.
Eaten crayons? = Not that I can remember.

Shoplifted = Yes
Held a gun = No. Guns are scary.
Seriously injured yourself = Yes

When was the last time you…

Sang out loud = Today
Went to a porno site? = A while ago. I’m not really into that stuff much anymore.

Threw something = Sometime this week. My temper flares up sometimes, and I become less… controlled, shall we say.
Watched a cartoon = Last Thursday or Friday

Do you?
Have a pager = No
Have a cell phone = Yes
Have a laptop = No
Have money in your pocket right now = Nope, I’m flat broke

Have clothes on right now = Yes, pajamas

Have a mental disease = Yes.
Lie to people to make them think well of you = No. Lying is mean and not worth the effort
Have behavioral problems = Not particularly. Sometimes, I guess

Have a car = I have a car I’m allowed to drive. Does that count?
Have self esteem problems = Yes

Wednesday, 02 June 2004:
Tomorrow is my birthday. If you want to give me something useful (if you want to give me anything at all), how about money? I can always use money, and for cool stuff, too. So, if you’re just dying to get me a present and don’t know what to get, money should be it. Just forewarning you. I might be having a party… we’ll see. It might be something spur of the moment, like a lot of our parties are, but this is the only time of the year I don’t feel guilty for people getting me things. SO GET ME THINGS!! Even if it’s only a card. I like cards, and it will show me you care. So put in the effort, people. I have good reason to believe that my birthday is the best day of the year. Not to mention I’m turning 19. We’ll see how THAT goes.

psychological nightmare
Psychological Nightmare

What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You represent... insanity.
You represent… insanity.
You’re quite a quirky little creature. You’re
emotions are varying. You may appear childish
and innocent, but you have a tendency to freak
out. You’re incredibly random, but it’s good
to be unique. People know you’re an odd one,
but you certainly don’t mind.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

I’m still looking for a job, so if you see or hear of something, please let me know ASAP, so that I can snatch it up right away. And as it seems, I nearly missed May altogether. There’s one post in the month of May, but it was at the end and wasn’t all that informative… talking about my being sick doesn’t count. To most of the world, I look fine. I don’t feel fine. I feel very un-everything. Apathetic and depressed, I suppose are the words. I hope everyone is doing okay. Stay alive so that I don’t have to kill you. If this doesn’t make any sense, ask me about it and if I’m in a giving mood, I’ll tell you what’s going on in my mind.

May 28, 2004

Friday, 28 May 2004:
Update, update, update. Is that all you people think about? Sheesh. SO… As it turns out, the thing my parents and I thought was the flu… I told some of you about that… anyway, it turns out it’s really strep throat. My temperature peaked night before last at nearly 40 degrees, so I went to the doctor yesterday and she was like “Eww!” and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. So now I’m taking medication up the wazoo and I feel like I’m a person with AIDS or something (okay, so that was reeeeeally exaggerating, but still). I’ve been trying to get back onto a normal sleeping schedule so that my body doesn’t break down when I’m thirty or something and leave me hanging, you know? During school I seem to have the weirdest sleeping hours ever… from about 4 AM to 10: 30 AM and then later in the day from 5 PM to about 8 PM. So, I get about the right number of hours, technically, but I don’t get them in the right order or pattern. And, since I’m feeling like JTHM today:

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice: Handgun
Your Favorite Target: Punks
Your Kill Count: 101,657 (but that’s enough!)
Your Battle Cry: “I enjoy cheese.”
Years You Spend in Jail: 35
How Much Money In Damages You Cause: $907,790,312
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 94%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

In other news, I was offered an internship with the Advertising Group, which does sales and marketing. Let me tell you, I turned it down — I discovered I am a service worker, not a sales worker, to be sure. It paid well, but the hours sucked tons (7:30 AM to 6:30 PM) and it was 60 minutes away driving in rush hour traffic both ways. I was also offered a non-paying internship at a newspaper, the Canyon News, which serves the Beverly Hills and Hollywood areas (among a few other places). I accepted that one, but couldn’t go to the orientation (which was on Tuesday) because I was sick in bed with the flu/strep throat. So I have to call them today to see what my hours are because if you want anything done right you have to do it yourself. Since the newspaper internship is part time, I have time to get a part time job (not to mention I need one). If anyone has any openings anywhere… or knows of any, please PLEASE let me know. I’ll love you forever. All right, that’s my post for now. Now I’m going to play so Typershark and then I’m off to make some calls and hopefully land a paying job!!! Whee!

April 2004

Thursday, 29 April 2004:
Today is my lat day of classes for an entire semester. That means boo and yay. My first final is today… boo. But then at least one will be over… yay. I have a presentation about music during the gay rights movement today… boo. But then I won’t have to think about it at all anymore after I finish it… yay. I have to go to a class I haven’t been to in a while… boo. But it’s the last one forever (assuming I pass)… yay. After today, I won’t have to think about ONE of my classes ever again (the one with the final). Let’s see, what else? I’ve got my schedule for next year… at least the classes. They are: Studies in 19th Century Literature, Introduction to Creative Writing, The Middle Ages, and the Self and the Other. That is, in order, two English classes, one History class, and one “Mind, Self, and Spirit” class. I’m looking forward to next semester. I’ve decided my major: English with a concentration in Creative Writing. I’ll minor or double major in History with a concentration in United States History. Whee. What fun. Seriously, to me, that sounds like a lot of fun. I can’t wait!

Monday, 12 April 2004:
Oh yea, oh yea… (sings:) It’s all coming togetheeeeerrrrr! It’s aaaaaaaalllll coming togeeeeeetherrrrr! (speaks:) I’ve got two papers to do that I’m not too terribly worried about as yet (since they’re both due in more than two weeks), I’ve finished the first draft of Amedeus’ back story and the second draft of my resume. And speaking of which, the first draft of my resume was a page long and the second is THREE pages long! Gah! Must… condense… ack! Anyway, I’m really not in a bad mood now, which is surprising because I have a ton of homework. Next up is finishing the first draft of one of the papers and calculating how much each hour in class costs my parents to see if it’s worth actually going to them or not (likelihood: it IS worth going). We’ll see how that goes. Love you all. Ciao.

Tuesday, 06 April 2004:
I now announce the creation and launch of The Tales of the Shmunt, a site I created for a friend (who is commonly known as the Shmunt). It’s in its beginning stages, seeing as I just spent only about two hours working on the background and the other aspects of the site. Obviously it’s not much… yet. We’ll see if my friend can come up with more comics and other friends can come up with fan comics (should they feel so inclined). I’ll be changing it around as the site progresses, but for now, the site as it now will have to do. Please email me comments and suggestions and help make the site better than ever! Ah, and so my days of webmistressing are revived.

Friday, 02 April 2004:
This is to my friends in the Fellowship of the Feet. Please know that I thought of you all when I read this. I love you all. I know we can work things out. Read on:

SCHOOL LUNCH IS NO PICNIC AFTER GIRLFRIENDS BREAK APART

Thu Apr 1, 8:03 PM EST
By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are in eighth grade. This is our last year together. We’ll be going to different high schools in the fall.

“Allie,” “Betty,” “Carol,” “Diane,” “Emma,” “Fran,” “Gail,” “Hannah,” “Ivy” and I sit together at lunch. The table is pretty crowded, so we took a vote that two people should leave the circle. Allie and Betty had to move to another table. After lunch, Carol said she didn’t think it was fair to vote friends out of the circle. I realized she was right, so I passed a note to Diane about not wanting to break up the circle and what Carol had said. I said we should all sit at the same table again. Diane said OK.

The next day, we all got together at our regular table, but Emma and Fran got into a fight. No one liked anyone anymore. The circle was officially broken. Now four of the girls sit at the original table; the rest of us sit at a picnic table. I’m the only one who’s friends with everybody from the circle.

It hurts me to see my friends separated at lunch time. Will you please print this letter and let them know it was wrong to break up the circle? I want my friends to reconsider: Remember who your friends are. Think about the good times we’ve had and that I’m all of y’all’s friend! — BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your mistake was in taking the vote in the first place. I’m printing your letter in the hope that your circle can be mended. If it can’t be, console yourself by understanding that, much as we might wish it, not all friendships last forever. As people mature, they sometimes change or have less in common.

March 2004

Tuesday, 30 March 2004:
I think the Fellowship is slowly being torn to bits. I don’t like what I see. We’re friends, not enemies. We should join forces with each other, not let ourselves slide into the abyss of friendlessness. I’m disturbed by the tension in our group. Some tension is okay, even encouraged. The tension we have isn’t it… and it’s been tense for much too long. I’m worried about us all. I don’t have the answer. There probably isn’t one solution, anyway. I miss the birthday parties that all of us were at and laughed and had a good time. THAT’s what the Fellowship is ultimately about. It’s not about our parents, or the title, or our characters, or even the story at all. It’s about us. The rest is just icing on the cake. Learn to love, respect, and forgive and everything will work out. I know this, and I know you all know it, too. Far be it for us to live it. I’m tired of the squabbling and arguing. Remember why the Fellowship was created in the first place — and who it was created for. I love you all, and I hope we can work things out. I know we can, if only we try.

Monday, 22 March 2004:

All right, so the first draft of Amedeus’ profile is up on the Fellowship’s official site (here). Go check it out if you like. Currently working on the second draft and her backstory/history. I’m also still working on the Shmunt Comics page, which I’m sure everyone in the Fellowship would like to read at one point or another. I told Shmunt (not his real name) that if he keeps sending me comics, I’ll make sure to put them up when I can. They would just be a page on THIS website, but I don’t have enough bandwidth for those kind of pictures, so a new website for him it is! In other news, Happy St. Patrick’s Day (it was last Wednesday) and Happy Ostara (that is, Vernal Equinox, which was last Saturday) to everyone who I love and cherish. And everyone else, too, I guess. My Spring Break wasn’t terrific, but I did get a LOT of schoolwork done, so at least that’s out of the way. More later.

Friday, 12 March 2004:
Hey all. To everyone in the Fellowship (you know who you are): I’m still working on Amedeus’ profile, so have no fear; I haven’t forgotten. I’m on spring break this week (beginning today and ending Sunday 21 March 2004, when I’ll return to school), so I won’t be online as much as I normally am. Just thought I’d let you all know that so you know I haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth. I won’t be able to readily check my email or check any websites until I return to school, so if you need to talk to me and it’s urgent enough, call me. I WILL take my phone with me and it’ll be on most of the time. I won’t have it WITH me everywhere I go during break, but I’ll be coming back to the same place every night and if you leave a message, I’ll be able to call you back. All right, to everyone, I miss you and hope you’re having a good time. W00t! No more classes for a whole week! Much needed break, here I come!

Tuesday, 09 March 2004:

  1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? Plastic, green, bought at the beginning of this school year, and haven’t been used as yet.
  2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Art and Experience in Classical Greece by J.J. Pollitt for my Classical Art and Archaeology course this semester, and actually not that bad.
  3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t have one… but I have an optical mouse with a really nice red light thingy that hurts your eyes when you look at it the right way (or wrong way, as you like it).
  4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Chess and Monopoly.
  5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Umm, I don’t know. Don’t have one in particular.
  6. FAVORITE SMELL? Honestly? My mom’s cooking (no matter what it is), my sister’s room, my brother’s hair, and my dad’s hot soldering iron. Dorky, I know, but it’s true. Oh, and the smell of roses. Especially ones given to you by someone you love.
  7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? Dirty foot smell. It’s the worst in the world… right up there with day-old puke that’s been sitting in the sun baking all day. Both of those make me gag. I get sick (seriously, physically) when I smell them.
  8. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Recently? Hmm… Random things including (but not limited to): “I miss my Boo-nay” (and yes, I really DID think “Boo-nay” as opposed to “Bunny”), “I hope today is Friday”, “I wish my alarm clock would just shut up”, “Where’s [my roommate]? I miss her”, “What? Wait… do I have class today? Maybe I’ll just skip it”, “Oh man, today had BETTER be a Saturday or Sunday… because otherwise I’m totally not going to my first class”, “Mmm, smells good, like [my roommate]”, “Warm. Good”… and etcetera.
  9. FAVORITE COLOUR? Violet.
  10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOUR? Hmm… possibly, neon orange, maybe?
  11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Two, assuming I actually answer the phone, which I definitely try to avoid on pain of freaking out really badly.
  12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? Girls: maybe Daylin Viannah or Katherine Victoria. Boys: maybe Nathan Amadeus or John Courtney. And yes, the spelling of all of the names is how I want it.
  13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Love for God, family, and friends. Helping others. Standing up for what you believe in. Being in love.
  14. WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOU? “As I Lay Me Down” by Sophie B. Hawkins. If you have something better that you think fits me, please let me know.
  15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Depends on the medium in which we’re speaking. I usually go for both, anyway.
  16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Yes, when the right music is playing.
  17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Well, technically, no. But I do sleep with a doll; my Raggedy Ann doll. I love her with all my heart.
  18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? Cool.
  19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A 1982 beige Honda Accord. Its name was Tyr, and it had a brown bobble-head dog named Jazz on its dashboard. I loved that car, but it died last year while I was away at school. It’s now in car heaven.
  20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? God. Then Jesus… Maybe Shakespeare if both God and Jesus were unavailable.
  21. BIRTHDAY: June 3… you guess the year.
  22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes, if I don’t consciously decide not to. I was taught to eat everything on my plate, so I eat the crusts of pizza and sandwiches, too.
  23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? Something I love to do that brings in a LOT of moola. I don’t mean to be crass, but really, I’ve gotta at least have a living wage.
  24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOUR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Um… the colour I have.
  25. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.
  26. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Depends on the day. Tends to be half empty, but I also tend to think that the glass is the wrong size anyway.
  27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Rigoletto, by far. And yes, I know that’s not what I wrote on my About*Me page. I love those movies, too.
  28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes. If my fingers are on the wrong keys, I start freaking out… OCD is like that, except in this case my OCD is actually not really technically OCD because typing on the right keys is considered a good thing. It’s not like closing the door three times and then checking the locks five times EVERY time I do ANYTHING. Okay… definitely off the subject. Moving right along…
  29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Well, dust bunnies, a little brown mouse that shares the room with my roommate and me (yes, it’s real, and yes, it’s alive), and junk that won’t fit anywhere else in my tinny little dorm room (which is a lot of stuff).
  30. FAVORITE NUMBER? 3.
  31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Um, none. Sports are weenies. I like cartoons.
  32. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Being permanently alone. That is, being with a person or people who don’t love me. Also, never finding the One for me, with whom I’ll spend the rest of my life.
  33. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS E-MAIL FIRST? Not an email, since I’m posting it, but nice try.
  34. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Again, I’m posting it, so NO ONE will reply (technically), but nice try.
  35. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “Miracles: for those who do not believe, no explanation is possible; for those who do believe, no explanation is necessary.”

February 2004

Tuesday, 24 February 2004:
All right, so here’s my site update. I deleted the Updates and Wish*List sections because they were taking up room and getting dusty. HOWEVER, I also added a section: Shrines. I also updated the Links list and all of the other pages according to the new internal links. I’m on the verge of officially beginning Shmunt Comics site, but haven’t actually had enough time as yet to do much with the idea or the HTML. I’m also working on the profile for Amedeus, the Werewolf, so all of you FOTF people should be happy to hear that. As for my personal life, it’s going well. School’s actually not that bad, when I go to class, but works sucks so badly. I hate it so much and haven’t actually gone in at least a couple of weeks, missing any days I could be making money, including days that I’m scheduled to go in. C’est la vie, no? I know I haven’t been online much recently, and that’s mostly because my phobia of talking on the phone has spread to instant messaging as well. At least it’s not completely handicapping me… yet. I should be posting more quizzes soon, if that’s what you’re looking for, but as always, this page is for myself, so if I change my mind about that don’t be surprised or disappointed. Good day, and congratulations to my sister for passing her driving test!! And with a better score than I had when I passed it, no less. 🙂 See you all later.

Wednesday, 18 February 2004:

rain skin you

I miss the rain
it falls often and
hits the ground,
steaming like my skin

when the rain falls,
it cools my skin,
burnt from the
heat of my pain

the cold drips off
of the trees and
lands upon my arms
and face lightly

sometimes it hurts
so much I can only lie
in the rain and try not to

drown in my fears

but just when I think
I can no longer take
the heat and survive,
you are there

you sit beside me,
hold me tightly and,
like the rain I miss so much,
you cool my skin

so I can bear it again

January 2004

Thursday, 29 January 2004:
All right, so my class schedule this semester is as follows:

  1. Montags: 1100-1150 German. 1430-1550 Classical Art and Archaeology. 1900-2100 Work.
  2. Dienstags: 1330-1450 Music as Political Weapon. 1500-1420 Fundamentals (of Music). 1900-2100 Work. 2100-2130 LGBTA.
  3. Mittwochs: 1100-1150 German. 1430-1550 Classical Art and Archaeology. 1900-2100 Work. 2130-2330 Anime Club.
  4. Donnerstags: 1100-1150 German. 1330-1450 Music as Political Weapon. 1500-1420 Fundamentals (of Music). 1900-2100 Work.
  5. Freitags: 1100-1150 German.

Yay. So the names of the days are in German, of course, because German’s wicked cool and all that good stuff. Please don’t call me at those times. I will not answer. Actually, if you feel like calling me, I probably won’t answer anyway, just because I never carry my cell phone around because no ever calls me because they know I don’t like talking on the phone. Go you all.

Saturday, 10 January 2004:
Today I’m going to the beach. It’s going to be cold, but most definitely fun. The sun is shining and the waves inviting. On Thursday I went clubbing with two of my friends down in West Hollywood at this dance club and bar called Mickey’s on Santa Monica Blvd. Very fun… My first time out clubbing, and we saw pretty boys dancing and a few kissing… Squee! Yaoi slashy joy for my yaoi slashy self. We stayed out until 1:30 AM-ish and then went to IHOP (which one of my friends affectionately calls “Gay-hop”) for a near-enough-to-midnight snack. I ordered a salad… they ordered a cinnamon-apple crepe and a side of bacon (separately). I have to say, it was the most interesting and diverse order I’ve ever seen given to one waiter at one time. Anyway, I got home around 3 AM-ish and went right to sleep. Woke up at noon yesterday and went to lunch… watched the deleted scenes and blooper reel from Pirates of the Caribbean and then went home and arranged CDs for my mom. Yay. Funness. Had a confrontation with a friend online and tried to tell him how I really feel about our whole situation… I’m still not sure how well it went. He’s leaving for school tomorrow. I can tell we’re going our separate ways, but he’s resisting and it’s making everything harder, I think. Oh well. We shall see what we shall see. More later… or tomorrow.

Wednesday, 07 January 2004:
What can you see on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? I should be happy. No, really, I should be. I have a good family and good friends. And I try to be good to them. I go to a great school. I have people who love me and want to be with me. I’m talented and intelligent. I’m not a bad person. So why am I not happy? Across the sea, a pale moon rises… I feel so discontent with my life. After all that I just said, I don’t feel any of it. I feel terrible. I feel like I’m searching for something that I can’t possibly ever find, like I’m looking for a white rabbit in a snowstorm. And while I love the snow as it is, it isn’t enough. It’s not that I can’t live if I don’t find it… whatever it is, because I can. I’m a strong person, for all the weak things I do; a lot of the time I don’t feel strong, but I know I am when it really matters. Soon you will see all of your fears will pass away. Safe in my arms, you’re only sleeping. You know how some people get “ready to settle down” after a while of partying and having a good time, being single? Well, I’m ready. I know I’m young, and I certainly don’t want kids anytime soon. But I’m tired of feeling so alone. I don’t like the “I’m single, let’s go out and party” feeling. I mean, I love to party. Dancing is the best sport in the world, but I don’t want to do it alone. Don’t say we have come now to the end. White shores are calling. I don’t like sleeping alone; I don’t like going to the movies or the beach or the mountains alone. I just plain don’t like being alone. And I feel so alone. I mean, it’s not like I’d be a totally dependent person or something; I wouldn’t. I just feel like I need someone who I can count on to always be there; who loves me the most. It’s not like I’d always need them, but I would some, and when I did, they’d be there. You and I will meet again, and you’ll be here in my arms, just sleeping. Just someone who I can love the most, and I’d help them when they’d need it too. I’d always be there for them. It wouldn’t be a one-way thing for them; I’d give my heart, too. But life isn’t like that. I don’t know anyone who I can count on like that. I don’t know anyone who will be there forever, until the end. And I don’t really expect anyone to step up, either. I mean, I’m not being pessimistic here; I’m being realistic. The kind of love I want… I need, is a huge commitment, for me and the other person. I don’t expect someone to know they want me like that this early in our lives… I don’t expect anyone to want me… need me, like that ever, really. I just feel like I’m missing part of my heart. I feel like I could have that maybe sometime in the future, but if I keep thinking like I’m thinking, I’ll scare away the person I love. I hope for a good future, a full heart, but I can’t expect it if I expect such a big commitment. I mean, it is forever. I’m just tired of being worried about it. I’m afraid of being alone. Of sleeping alone, and of dying alone. What can you see on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call?

Tuesday, 06 January 2004:
I asked my mom when she knew she was in love with my dad, and she said a couple of things. First, she said that my dad made her laugh and played piano, and those were the two things the caused her to initially fall in love with him. And second, she said that she asked HER mom that and SHE said that if you could see yourself washing the person’s dirty socks in the sink by hand and not minding necessarily, that you’re probably in love. Now, while I can think of at least ten people I wouldn’t mind washing dirty socks for (if you can name all ten I can think of off the top of my head, I’ll give you a dollar), I think making me laugh is a big deal. I’m not a big laugh-y type person… it’s not in my philosophy. So if someone can make me laugh, it’s a big deal for me. I fall for that person harder and faster than if they couldn’t (or didn’t) make me laugh. Ahem, anyway. If you haven’t read my Thoughts in a while (or ever), hello. I’m Eve. Check out my About*Me page and the Disclaimer (both reachable through the links above) before you go any further. If you have any questions or comments beyond that, feel free to email me anytime. My mailbox is always open. I’m actually working on a FAQ for my site; I seem to get a lot of random emails from people I don’t know (not that I DON’T get random email from people I DO know, but it’s different, ya know?) that cover a whole range of topics. Like this one I received a little bit ago:

“Hello, my name is Silvia (Eve’s note: I’ve changed her name for her privacy). I just wanted to tell you that I like most of your site. Except for the gay parts. And there’s too much writting [sic] and not enuff [sic] pics. Do you think you culd [sic] add a pic of yourself somewhere? I culdn’t [sic] find any. And also, why are you gay? You know that your [sic] going to hell, right, if your [sic] gay? I just thought I’d warn you because I care about you. But on the upside, you like Bright Eyes. Their [sic] sooooo [sic] cool. Maybe youll [sic] just go to purgatory. Lucky you. Love, Silvia.”

Now please remember, I don’t know “Silvia”; I’ve never picketed her workplace, made love to her, talked to her, or even met her. I mean, I suppose it’s possible that this is some long lost friend of mine, but I doubt it. Another note, in case you, Reader, don’t know this already: “[sic]” means that I’m not the one who made that spelling/grammatical error — the original writer did. In this case, that original writer, or “writter” as I’m sure she’d put it, is Silvia. As you can tell, she’s not going to major in English in college (hopefully). Anyway, on to the content. In response to Silvia:

Hello, Silvia. Thanks for your email, but I’m happy the way I am (in this respect, anyway), and I think that if you stop trying to change other people, you might be happier, too. Thanks for taking a look at my site, but what’s wrong with being gay? I’m not going to hell because I’m gay. I’m not going to hell at all. If any hell exists in this world, it IS this world, but that’s because people hate each other and don’t understand each other and don’t TRY to understand each other. Otherwise, there is no hell. In fact, I’m not gay, if you want to get technical. I’m absolutely positively sure I’ve gone over this before (in my Random*Thoughts), but I suppose I can go over it again. If you must label me, I’m genderqueer (that is, I’m not male or female, I just am) and pansexual (I love gay people, straight people, transgender people, girls, boys… I love beauty. I base my partner selection on the person, not their sex or sexual orientation). And trust me: people love who they love through genetics. That is, my best friend is straight and attracted to the opposite sex because she was born that way. Would you ask her to become gay because she’s not following the norm of society? It wouldn’t be natural, now would it? Not to mention she’d be lying to herself, and that’s not healthy at all. It’s the same for gay people in today’s world. As for there being too much “writting” on my website, and not enough photographs: I have a page with photographs of myself on it called About*Me, reachable through the main page of this site. My writing, however, is the main part of the site; it was for my writing that I created the site in the first place. So, sorry, but having too much of it won’t change any time soon. And last but not least, thanks for noticing I like Bright Eyes. I was introduced to the band my first semester in college and “Bowl of Oranges” is my favourite of theirs, and one of the more-played songs in my collection. However, liking Bright Eyes has nothing to do with where I’m going after I die, although I’m sure a friend or two of mine would like to think so. I’m not a huge fan of theirs, but I have a close friend who is their number one fan… He’s got all of their CDs and annoys my roommate by playing their music too often for her enjoyment. But as for myself, I’m partial to the song mentioned above. Anyway, thanks for writing, and I welcome any further emails. Let me suggest, though, that you use a spellchecker next time you write one and you’re apparent intelligence level will skyrocket. Ahem, just a thought. Love, Eve.

Friday, 02 January 2004:

A New Year, a new way of writing the date on my Random*Thoughts. Actually, I’m thinking about revamping this whole site… Right now it takes soooo long to update since I write all my code by hand and from scratch, but I kind of don’t want to change the way I do things — even if it means I’ll be more efficient. Ah, the dilemma. Yes, so… it’s the New Year!! Happy New Years, everyone! I miss everyone from school, and I have to say, I’m about ready to go back. College changes you, people. If you think it won’t, you’ve got another thing coming. But since I’ve been back home, I’ve noticed a few things about myself. First, I’m more annoyed by people asking me things like, “What are you doing?”, “Where are you going?”, “Why are you taking that with you?”, and “Why do you have to do that?” than I remember being before I left. I mean, I don’t mind it if they don’t ask every time the opportunity comes up, but come on, you know? After about the fifth time I’m like, “MUST YOU KNOW EVERYTHING I’M THINKING?!?” It’s really frustrating. Second, I don’t mind doing things for my parents as much as I used to. Maybe that’s because I know I won’t have to indefinitely (as in, I know I’m going back to school and I won’t have to do anything for them then, so I don’t mind doing more now). Eh, who knows? Maybe I’ve just grown up more or something. Third, well, I can’t think of anything for a third thing, so whatever. My taste in music hasn’t altered (basically eclectic; not any one type for too long), I haven’t changed my mind about getting a tattoo (I want one), and my love hasn’t changed (I love beauty). As for updates to this site, I can’t really seriously change anything until I go back to school because that’s where (most) of my html files are. And they’re online, too, of course, or you wouldn’t be reading this right now! However, I have updated my info page (the link’s at the top of the main page and is called “About*Me” with some New Years pictures. Good stuff, good stuff, I know.