September 25, 2003:
Yes, for those of you (still) wondering, I AM alive. And now you know. Didn’t I tell you people that I update only for myself, not for you? And here I am worrying that people might be worrying about me. Psssh. I have forgotten one of my own rules; I write only for one person: myself. Ahem, anyway. Damn. I had meant to post a really sweet piece by a friend, but I seem to have lost it somewhere in the depths of my computer, so, friend (hopefully you know who you are, since another of my rules is not to use anyone’s name online), if you still have your lovely poetry/thought/whatever-you-like-to-call-it, please please email it to me at my school address, will you? And if you still don’t know who you are, I’ll give you a hint: I nicknamed you Aslan. Nod nod, and rightly so, too. Ahem, so now, with that out of the way (and my most profound apologies), let’s move onward.
How evil are you?
|You have been called ‘freak’ and ‘weirdo’ so many times that you’re used to it by now and take it as a compliment.
You would probably get along great with Bjork. Your behavior and actions tend to go against everything normal people are used to.
People don’t usually see eye-to-eye with you and find it hard to understand your quirky habits, controversial ideals and eccentric philosophies, but hey, there’s a fine line between genius and insanity!
Cough cough, so yes, I decided on two quizzes for today, because I’m in a generally good mood. Which, as of late, seems to be unusual. However, maybe it’s the good mood itself that is making me feel different. I haven’t decided. Anyway, a friend of mine wanted to know when a good time to call me is on any given day (since now I’m in college and it isn’t obvious to anyone but me when a good time to talk is). Well, dear, let me stress this much. I hate the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I don’t know why, really, I just do. I’ll tolerate it under necessary circumstances, but I will rarely if EVER just chat on the phone for more than five or ten minutes at a time. I cannot stress enough how much easier it is to just send me an email: I’m guaranteed to answer it more quickly. I hate talking on the phone. Absolutely abhor it. Did I mention I don’t like the phone?
Now, that said, if you just MUST get in touch with me (assuming I have my cell on me at the time, which is unlikely as I treat my cell basically as a landline), here’s my schedule so that you know when NOT to call me unless it’s an emergency. If I have to pick up the phone during a class, someone damn well better be dead or dying or close or else you’re going to have a very angry (not to mention embarrassed) Eve on your hands. And trust me, you don’t want one of those. So, here’s the lay down. Do with it as you please, but don’t call me during these times, especially if you value your sanity and your life, as you know it. (All times are in the American Eastern Time Zone and in military time).
- Montag: Classes between 9 – 9:50, 11 – 11:50, and 13:30 – 14:20. Martial Arts 16:30 – 17:45. Work 19 – 21. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy 22 – 23.
- Dienstag: Class 15 – 16:20. Chorus 19:15 – 20:45. Clubs 21 – 00. This is my easiest day, but that doesn’t mean I won’t have stuff to do (like so much homework it’s not even funny).
- Mittwoch: Classes between 9 – 9:50, 11 – 11:50, and 13:30 – 14:20. Martial Arts 16:30 – 17:45. Work 19 – 21. Clubs 21:30 – 23:30. A word of warning; Do NOT call me am Mittwochs.
- Donnerstag: Classes between 9 – 9:50 and 15 – 16:20. Chorus 19 – 20:30. ER 22 – 23.
- Freitag: Classes between 9 – 9:50, 11 – 11:50, and 13:30 – 14:20. Martial Arts 16:30 – 17:45. Other stuff I can’t remember at the moment. I’ll update as necessary.
- Sonnabend: Whee! I’m pretty much free am Samstags, so if necessary, give me a ring. I do have much, much homework, though, so don’t surprised if I can’t talk to you for long (disregarding the fact I don’t want to talk to you on the phone for long anyway).
- Sonntag: Prayer, praise, meditation, and rejuvenation 12 – 14. Work 19 – 21.
Waa laa, there you have it. A few other things I should mention before you try calling me. First, I’m generally late to bed and late to rise. That generally means you may call me as late as 1 AM eastern time, but if you call me before 11 AM, you’ll certainly regret it. There are few who may call me at any time whatsoever and they already know who they are. So if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not one of them, savvy? Second, if I don’t pick up, don’t freak out. Just leave a nice little message with a number at which I can reach you and the latest I may call you, and I’ll get back to you when I can. I don’t carry around my cell, so it’s unlikely I’ll pick up even if I’m available and willing to talk, just for the fact that I don’t have my phone on me. Also, most of the buildings at my school have terrible reception, so even if I DO have my cell with me, it may not have service during the time which you ring. However, my answering service will pick up whether I do or not (and whether or not I have service), so don’t be afraid to speak to it instead. Trust me, you’ll reach me faster if you leave a message than if you don’t. Third: I’ll probably be working out many times during the week that aren’t listed above (as the daily times will change anyway), but I’ll generally pick up if I’m not in a position (while stretching) that is either hard to get into or out of.
And there you have it all: my cell phone-ness. Use it wisely. And do not call me without good reason. Telephones are a necessity in today’s world, true, but I rely on them as little as I can because who knows when they won’t be there anymore?
September 10, 2003:
An article, called “Group tries to rally anti-gay protest”, from Gay.com/PlanetOut.com Network reads: “ “The politically conservative Montana Family Coalition said on Tuesday it is launching a media campaign against the increase of gay content on television, with the hit show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” being the group’s main target. // Julie Millam, director of the coalition, said the group will direct its protest to companies that advertise on the highly rated show, which she called “outrageous.” // “To me, that’s not a reality show about gay people,” Millam told the Billings Gazette. “A really good reality show for gay people would be five gay men dying of AIDS.” “ (The “//” indicates a new paragraph in the actual article.)
Fuck you, Montana Family Coalition. May your eyes be opened and your hatred burnt at the stake. May your children grow up to know the Truth and live genuine, good lives, not follow in your footsteps.
September 7, 2003:
Yes, so I’m manic right now, but it’s been dampened by a friend’s close relative dying. And a couple of days ago (read: my last update), I was depressive. Ah, it’s been a fun week, to be sure. So, anyways, to all of you who read this, have fun. Cough cough, yes. I worked out my former problem of the confession of a deep thing to both of the people I love “like that”, so at least for a while it’ll lay low and we can chill. Oh, and it leaves me worry about other things, like a few of my new friends being so drunk every Friday and Saturday night that they can’t walk. And the rest of us sober people having to stay up with them so they don’t drown in their own vomit. Sigh. And we all do it, too, because we care about each other. Oh, and so everyone knows? MY ROOMMATE ROCKS!!! No, really, she does. Don’t even TRY and contradict that one, savvy? She doesn’t smoke or drink, and I’m soooooo glad she doesn’t because I’m afraid I might be tempted to do one or the other if I didn’t know someone else didn’t want to either. And my friend!! No! One of her close relatives died! I’m soo sorry. I wanted to cry when you said that. I hope you feel better soon. If there’s ANYTHING I can do, you just ring me and I’ll do it lickity split, savvy?
In other more school related news, I’ve finally got all my classes figured out and I know I’m going to have a blast (albeit, a hardworking one, but eh, no pain, no gain, right?)! I’m taking Introduction to Sociology (which has FIVE required books; is that insane or is that insane?), Navigation, Reading and Writing Poetry, and German 101. Yay, I likey my schedule mucho mucho. And oh damn it. I’m feeling all low and down now because a friend is in pain… Don’t ask… it’s the close relative thing again. Damn damn damn. People who are close to you or related to you should never die. It’s wrong. Much cursing is happening in my mind right now.
September 2, 2003:
Okay, I admit it. I seriously fucked up this time. And now I’ve caused one of the people I love to not want to even speak to me anymore. I did a stupid thing and then the stupid thing came back and bit me really hard right where it hurts the most. I knew it. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I give anyone permission to whack me a good one the next time they see me, because I certainly deserve it this time. See, it goes like this: I confess to one friend I’m not only in love with him, but also another (mutual) friend. He reacted much better than I expect; that is, he still speaks to me and says he still loves me. I explain my struggle with this issue of “free love” and polygamy, and tell him that this dilemma has occurred in my life before. That time, I explain, I just basically stopped speaking to both of the people who I loved and tried to start over (because there was no way I could have ever or wanted to choose between them), hoping such a situation wouldn’t happen again. Obviously, it has. God, it’s worse than being gay in today’s world. At least there ARE other people who are gay, so one has a support system, but this… this is lonely. So anyway, my spirits are high, and my friend suggests that the three of us should try living with one another after we all graduate from college and see how things go, if we’re all willing. So I’m optimistic.
Then, I talk to my other friend. I’m feeling good about it because my first friend was so receptive. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. I had forgotten that my second friend doesn’t know as much about me as my first friend does, and I spent barely any time with her over the summer, while I spent nearly the whole summer with my first friend. I explain my whole problem to her too, but she has a drastically different reaction (other than the one they both give, which is, “Well, I always thought of him/her more like a brother/sister.”). She basically falls apart. I try to console her, at least as best as I can online (all of this happened over many AOL instant messages), but I’ve never been great at that sort of thing, and she’s pretty much inconsolable anyway. And then, damn it all to hell, I have to leave or she does (I don’t remember) and our conversation is halted until later.
So, later we talk again. She says, after more discussion, that she feels like we should take a break from each other for a while. And she means, not talk to each other for a while. I’m thinking, What? A break from what, exactly? It’s not like anything was happening to begin with! But I say, “All right.” Then I tell her that I disagree, I don’t see the good in not talking to one another, but I respect her, and if she’s not comfortable with talking to me, I’ll go with that. So we say our good byes, she signs off, and I block her so that I don’t forget and IM her without thinking about it. Now, I won’t even know when she’s online. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I certainly hope so. This whole fiasco would never have happened had I just kept my mouth shut. Well, at least one thing’s for sure for now: I don’t have to choose between them. I’ve had my mind made up for me.
Well, to my second friend: I’m hurt by your actions especially because this “Please don’t talk to me” thing has happened to me before. However, I want you to be true to yourself, when you find yourself, even if it means rejecting me and my crazy notions of love. I still love you, but I know I’ve just confused and frustrated and hurt you, and lately it seems that’s all I’ve been doing for you. Giving you evil and no good, and that’s not what I want for you. I want good for you. So, please take all the time you need to find yourself. I’ll be around when you’re ready. Just send an email my way, or if it’s important, call me. Good-bye, Fruit Fly.
Can anyone see why I prefer fantasy to reality?