Sex Slave
by V.E. on February 3rd, 2012
filed under recap/review
I picked up Sex Slave directly from the author at Yaoi-Con 2011. I was trying to decide among a few of her novels when I mentioned that I’m a writer, too, and I wanted to show my support because us writers have to stick together. She seemed pleased and even knocked a dollar each from the two novels I ended up buying.
I had a plane flight to New York from Los Angeles and since I couldn’t fit my original book choice (“The Complete Sherlock Holmes”—yes, really) into my bag, I was pleased to bring with me instead the more compact Sex Slave. I read the 196-page novel from cover to cover during the trip (and was then left with the dilemma of what to read on the flight home!).
Let’s not mistake this, though the title would presumably make that difficult: Sex Slave is erotica. Of the gay variety. AKA: woo hoo! There’s no doubt about it. It’s fantasy. A captain in the king’s army takes in the 
only survivor of a group of bandits that his (the captain’s) men have all killed. It turns out that the bandits had been using this captive as a sex slave and he’s been so traumatized that he cowers at the very sight of other men… including all of the captain’s soldiers. The captive has no memory of his past life and so Captain Marinel names him Kitten and the story follows that he tries to re-acclimatize Kitten to freedom while simultaneously trying to find any information about his new ward’s past—his name, his birthplace, anything.
Kitten’s entire existence (as much as he can remember, since he remembers nothing before the bandits’ camp), however, has been as a sex slave, so Marinel’s plans immediately go awry when he discovers that the only way to help Kitten feel like he’s safe is to have sex with him. (I did say erotica, didn’t I? Enter sexy times.) When they return to the kingdom, Marinel and Kitten move into the captain’s aunt’s house mansion and proceed to grapple with Kitten’s past trauma—and his past life before his time as a captive.
Sex Slave is a fast read; I read the entire thing in less than six hours (though I admit I was a captive audience, sitting in a window seat of an aeroplane). First, the things I didn’t like. As a person who’s personally experienced sexual violence, I found Kitten’s reaction to men (that is, abject terror and subservience in the service of survival) to be completely realistic—and I found Captain Marinel’s reaction to Kitten (basically, he becomes a stand-in for the bandit king after his death) to be completely heinous. Marinel does feel guilt for his actions toward Kitten later in the novel, but he never stops having sex with him or takes him to see a physician. The time period sort of implies the lack of the existence of psychiatrists or psychologists, but I would have thought that Marinel would’ve tried someone before just deciding that Kitten was his and that he was going to defend the kid from his (admittedly abusive) family-ties.
Now, the things I liked. Putting aside that I found it personally difficult to suspend my disbelief regarding the captain’s dealings with Kitten (other readers may not have the same problem), the story was pretty good. I really, really loved Marinel’s aunt, Lady Faline. She’s possibly the greatest character in the whole novel. I was really happy to read a sympathetic female character in a gay romance novel. Truly, it was the highlight of the story. Faline takes both Marinel (her adopted nephew) and Kitten under her wing without so much as lifting an eyebrow, and she stays stubbornly loyal to them throughout the plot, though at times she may act as loyal opposition. She made the novel worth it for me (though, don’t get me wrong, here: I like me some man-on-man sex, same as the next girl). Also, having a horse (that is, Thunder, Captain Marinel’s warhorse) that can basically understand you is pretty fantastical—and pretty awesome.
Overall, I wasn’t disappointed. I mentioned buying two novels by the same author, and reading Sex Slave did nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for reading the other, Sacrifice, which is looking like it may actually be the better of the two. I may just take it with me next time I have time to kill.
You can buy Sex Slave now on Lulu for just $10.99 plus shipping. You can also visit the author’s website for her other work. (Click on the cover image—not the same cover I have for my copy, but it’s similar—to visit her tumblr as well.)
Yaoi-Con 2011
by V.E. on December 30th, 2011
filed under anime/manga, recap/review
I attended Yaoi-Con this year at the waterfront Marriott in Burlingame, California (within 15 minutes driving distance of the San Francisco International Airport) this past weekend—21-23 October 2011. I had a good time and even made some new friends, maybe!
If you don’t know what yaoi is, read about it before you continue. Seriously. With that warning: here’s my recap.
General impressions—the basic overview
Thoughts from the video room & manga library
The loot I had to haul home!
Yaoi-Con 2011: the loot I had to haul home!
by V.E. on December 30th, 2011
filed under anime/manga, recap/review
This post is part of my Yaoi-Con 2011 recap.
So, I had to haul home a bunch of stuff, and I only took a carry-on bag with me (like hell I’m paying $25+ for checking my luggage), and I just barely managed to get all my manga and cool shit in my bag and then carry it around with me all the way back home. Seriously, it weighed like fifty pounds. I’m not kidding: books are like bricks. By the end of the return trip, my arms were killing me. Here’s where I link everything so you can get some awesome for yourself, too, if you so desire. (Click images for larger.)
Starting from the left side and going down, in columns:
Simoun, complete series. a lesbian mech anime… sort of? I think?
Let’s Draw Manga: Yaoi, by Botan Yamada. oh yes; yes, I did.
small Fullmetal Alchemist State Military watch replica on a long chain
Finder 5: Truth in the Viewfinder, by Ayano Yamane. got this at the DMP booth and then got home and realized I didn’t have #4! (I do now, though, so it’s all fine. ^_^)
Princess Princess, complete series. the anime is better than the liveaction version, trust me.
Loveless, complete series. a classic I told myself I would pay for next time I saw it legal and cheap, so here it is.
Yaoi Magazine, vol.1 issue 2 (April 2008). don’t know what happened, but I don’t think this mag is being printed anymore.
9th Sleep, by Makoto Tateno. as you’ll notice, I got a couple of manga by her, actually.
Ludwig II 2, by You Higuri. picked up the first one last year at Yaoi-Con.
King of Debt, by Sanae Rokuya. a collection of stories; I’ve been told it… gets to the point, if you know what I mean.
Dost Thou Know?, by Satoru Ishihara. two sets of brothers… and loooove; how can I go wrong?
Little Butterfly omnibus, by Hinako Takanaga. read the entire thing at the last Yaoi-Con (2010) and figured I should pony up.
Blue Sheep Reverie 1, by Makoto Tateno. no idea; I just liked the name.
Ooku 1, by Fumi Yoshinaga. interesting premise, so I had to get it.
A Foreign Love Affair, by Ayano Yamane. pretty sure she just writes the same story over and over, but it works, so…
Looking at the top half first, from left to right:
Morgan Hawke‘s The Cheater’s Guide to Writing Erotic Romance & her (really!) short novel Security Issues.
two mini fanart stickers of Bunny (top) and Tiger from the anime Tiger & Bunny.
two badges from Scuttlebutt Ink, Kamina (“Hero”) from Gurren Lagann and Utena (“Duelist”) from Utena.
four Hetalia fanart postcards by Belligerent Design, featuring…
Germany: “Having the wurst time in Germany”
Britain: “England: You’ll come for the magic… you’ll stay for our huge clock”
America: “America… F*** YEAH!”
Prussia: “There’s nothing (but awesome) in Prussia. No, literally there’s nothing there.”
four games from Hanako Games: Date Warp (actually an interactive novel), Science Girls! (an RPG), Magical Diary: Horse Hall, and Cute Knight Kingdom. All four games are playable on both Macs and PCs, I supported a small game company by buying them, and I got a deal for all four, so I’m happy. (‘Cept, you know, I still haven’t actually played any of them yet. T_T)
The bottom half, from left to right:
a print of one of the characters in Inner Edge, by TACTO.
Close to you, an anthology. gotta love my story/comic collections.
Inner Edge and an Inner Edge doujinshi called Dreamless.
In three rows, from left to right (beginning with top left):
a fanart poster of Heero Yuy (left) and Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing by Bing Lin. on the right, it reads “as time stands still…”
Always Raining Here 1, by Bell & Hazel.
an awesome print of recent violence by Lisa Cheng.
Lust for Freelance 1, by Madeleine Graham.
In These Words 5 by Guilt|Pleasure, plus two little G|P buttons.
Father Figure, also by Guilt|Pleasure. read it on the spot at Yaoi-Con—very good, if you don’t mind a little incest thrown in for good measure.
(see below for the comic to the right of Father Figure.)
two Sephiroth/Cloud (FFVII) fancomics, “Happy Birthday Sephiroth” and “Blonde Ambition: the Fitting Room” by owmyhearteries.
the first two volumes of Hondeydew Syndrome, by new shoe. looks promising, though I noticed already that the authors spelled “know” as no and no one caught it before the volumes were printed.
and lastly, “Flesh Games” and (above it) “Nice Guts” vol.0, by Agnes Czaja.
The top row:
two novels, Sex Slave and Sacrifice, both by MomsDarkSecret. told her I was a writer, too, and she knocked $2 off the total price. us writers gotta stick together. ^_^
soap from RosaleenDhu Designs: Butler (a’la Kuroshitsuji), Descent Into Madness (Chthulu, anyone?), Yaoi (smells like lemons!), and Fruit Pi (oh, how punny).
a piece of rainbow cake and a piece of pumpkin pie on red strings, by Sugar Clay Cafe.
a beautiful Halloween-colors handsewn handbag. now to just figure out what to wear when I use it!
an “I <3 YAOI" bow tie. honest-to-gods, I’m not making that up. expensive, but it was truly the best purchase of my entire trip. not that I’ll ever wear it, but still.
In the center:
Starfighter Cain and Abel print by Hamletmachine! /squeeeeee… also got a preorder of chapter 2, so when it prints, they’ll ship it to me and I’ll just get a surprise in the mail one day!
To the left of center (and below):
the first three chapters of Scuttlebutt Ink’s Mahou Shonen Fight: “Magically Ill”, “Proper Motivation”, and “Ambiguous”…
Right of center (and below):
a votre sante, compiled by JM. interesting premise that I’d like to see continued with non-alcoholic drinks.
print of a beaten up Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing by sir-fish. the print reads “GUNDAM 02 DUO MAXWELL”
————
And that (finally!) concludes my Yaoi-Con 2011 write up! Yay. Have a great new year, guys.
One Paragraph 4
by V.E. on December 24th, 2011
filed under anime/manga, entertainment, one paragraph
The Immortals, Book 1: Wild Magic (finished 24 December 2011)
I started this book on a trip to San Francisco in late October—there’s still a plane ticket sticking out of it, actually—and didn’t actually read it until later in the year. A friend of mine recommended this book to me as a good introduction to Tamora Pierce’s writing. I remember when the Circle of Magic books were published around the time I was in junior high; they were popular but I never read them. Wild Magic isn’t bad; I can find nothing glaringly wrong with it, at least, except that it is—quite obviously—simply an introduction. (There are three other books in “The Immortals” series.) I’d read the others (or, at least, the second) if they showed up on my desk somehow, but I probably won’t seek them out.
Red Riding Hood (viewed at home 10 December 2011)
A retelling of the ancient fable that’s part drama, part mystery—with a dash of romance for flavor. I was pleasantly surprised to see Galactica‘s Tigh in the film, though I wish he’d played a bigger part. The film itself was all right—I didn’t immediately figure out who the werewolf was, but I’m not adept at mysteries, so there’s that. I wasn’t really surprised when it was revealed. Definitely a fantasy, but not in an overt kind of way, which I liked. Also, I kind of liked the ending; romantic, in a strange sort of way, though I can see why it wasn’t well-received at the box office. Whatever. It was all right. Not “super awesome you must see this right now”, but okay.
Twilight: Breaking Dawn, part 1 (viewed in theaters 26 November 2011)
I don’t care enough about this series (the books or the movies) to give it more than a mention here. It wasn’t a good movie. In fact, it was pretty spectacularly bad—bad characterization (there is none), bad for women (are you kidding me, S.Meyer?), and a non-existent plot—and this is still the only series that involves vampires that has ever made me root for someone not the vampires. I mean, really. It’s just pathetic. This is the first movie in the series that I didn’t (attempt to) read the book beforehand. I’m pretty sure reading the book was unnecessary, since the very first Twilight movie was actually an improvement over the book upon which it was based. Just… ugh, Twilight; ugh.
Sleeping With Money (finished at home early November 2011)
I’ve said I’m not really one for yakuza/gangster stories, and yet recently I’ve read a few without even seeking them out. I don’t know why that keeps happening. Either way, this novel was… eh: so so. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible. That might have been the translation (it was translated from the original Japanese), but I just… didn’t really get into it. I finished it, but the most it had going for it was the pictures (seck-say woo woo) and my desire to finish things I start. Otherwise, meh.
This Film Is Not Yet Rated (viewed at home 14 November 2011)
Made me want scream. I realize the documentary is slanted against the MPAA, but seriously… it wasn’t like these guys had to try very hard to make the Association look bad. If the stuff in this documentary is true, the MPAA rating system—and its implicit censorship and the use of complete secrecy—is complete bullshit. Also, way to go, sexist/anti-gay/anti-sex movie industry… of which the MPAA is only a symptom. Made me want to just strangle someone. You think violence is okay and sex somehow isn’t? Not going to lie: that’s pretty fucked up. I’ll give you some violence. /garrrrrrr /tears out hair
Ten Years
by V.E. on December 12th, 2011
filed under fyi, meta, personal, recap/review, school, thoughts
I’ve had this journal online, in some form, since 12 December 2001. That makes today my tenth birthday. I’m double digits, guys!
I really wish I’d thought of this ahead of time because I would have commissioned some art or something from one of my artist friends to post here as a birthday present to myself. It’s not every day a website turns ten years old, after all. ^_^
Unfortunately, I didn’t plan anything, so: here, have a clip art birthday (cup)cake instead. (I couldn’t even find one with ten candles haha. One candle, yes, obviously. Five? Yes. Even seven and eight candles, but not ten. Oh well.)
I’m ancient, in internet time.
Here’s to ten more years! I’m sure they’ll be as interesting as the last ten.
Dr. Strangelove
by V.E. on November 30th, 2011
filed under entertainment, personal, recap/review, writing
Show me the way home
I’m lost
Show me the way home
It hurts too much—Phil Roy, “Show Me the Way Home“
So, let me explain about Dr. Strangelove (wiki).
I dated a guy during my first year of college who was basically in love with Dr. Strangelove (the film, not the character) and wanted me to see it. I refused—first out of apathy, then general disinterest for war movies (satirical or no), and then just to irk him a little… because that’s just how I am. (I had a different boyfriend later who let me needle him and still made me do whatever it was that he wanted… because that’s just how he was [and is]… like go to see Casino Royale even when I was an avowed James Bond hater.)
Anyway, this guy was just waiting for the nuclear apocalypse so that he could take his KA-BAR out into the wilderness and fend for himself once and for all. He was a right-wing, gun-loving, self-proclaimed libertarian who hated affirmative action and thought that feminism had run its course because men and women were equal already, just different. Oh, and he was also against a woman’s right to choose.
But that’s another story. I never did see Dr. Strangelove while we were dating, and at the end of our first year in school, we broke up. We remained friends throughout college (he hated that other boyfriend I mentioned, for example, and eventually I told him to just suck it up) until one night in December of our senior year, when our relationship was irrevocably damaged. That is to say, he raped me.
I’m still taking ownership of that idea—the idea that what happened to me on that night was rape—but no matter how I put two and two together, it still adds up to… that. It’s hard to think about; I have many triggers—his name is one that I had to deal with when I got a new job and one of my supervisors not only had the same first name but also the same last initial. Usually, I don’t think about it. I’m not over it. I mostly know my triggers, such as they are, and I avoid them.
What the hell does this have to do with Dr. Strangelove, right? Well, this semester I’m taking a creative writing class because such classes—even though I already have a terminal degree in creative writing—help me and force me to write, and if I want to call myself a writer, I need to actually do some writing.
This writing class is split into three parts—poetry, fiction, and screenplays/playwriting. To help students learn about characterization, plot development, timeline, structure, and so on in the last category, the teacher has taken to showing the class good film examples of said. Tonight, that meant watching Dr. Strangelove. All of it. And then talking about it for 45 minutes afterward.
The teacher told us he was bringing in the film last week, and I was… disgruntled. I mentioned after class that day that I had an ex-boyfriend who loved the film, but we hadn’t parted ways amicably (an understatement if I’ve ever said one) and that I wasn’t really keen on remembering that bullshit. But after my off-handed comment, I honestly didn’t think much more about it.
Then, when he actually did bring it in today [Tuesday evening, 29 November 2011], I said, “Are we seriously going to watch the whole thing?”
And he said, “Sure, why not?”
And I rolled my eyes and said, “Fine.”
And then I sat through the entire film. And you know what? Objectively speaking, it isn’t a half bad movie. Stanley Kubrick is nothing to shake a stick at, so to speak. But I sat there, unable to really focus on the movie to really enjoy it (or scoff at it, or have any normal reaction at all)… because all I could think about was him. Because it had been his favorite movie. And it had been his hands on me, even after I’d told him “no”.
Half way through the film, I slid down in my chair, sick to my stomach, and wrote in my notebook:
watching this movie all I can think about is [him] holding me down in that geology lab @ [our school] that night.JUST
KILL
ME
and then I scribbled over the entire page to mark it out.
As soon as the film was over, I knew had been a terrible, terrible idea for me to have watched it when the only thing I could really see was… that, and as soon as the teacher gave us a five-minute break, I was out the door and down the steps to find a relatively unoccupied restroom.
I went into the nearest available stall (the very first stall had a sign taped to it that read “OUT of ORDER”—ridiculous, the things I remember) and threw up. Or rather, I would have thrown up, except that I hadn’t eaten much before the class since I was intending to eat when I got home. (I’m sure you can imagine that didn’t happen.)
After a few minutes, I stood up and went to the sink to wash my face. I went back to class (“You okay?” the teacher asked, and I nodded) and sat silently while the class discussed the film’s characters and structure, fists clenched in my lap. I was so wrapped up in my own crap—just trying not to explode or implode, just trying to stay in that holding pattern until I could go home and fall apart in the privacy of my own room—that I didn’t even notice the film has a single woman character (thereby utterly failing the entire Bechdel Test) until someone pointed out that she’d been wearing a fucking bikini in her only scene.
Finally, at the end of the discussion, the teacher turned to me and said, “You haven’t said a single thing. What do you think?”
And I said, “I’m not going to talk about this film.”
And he said, “What? Having some ex-boyfriend ruin one of the greatest comedies ever to grace the silver screen? What a tragedy.”
And I nearly just cracked up and laughed out loud because he really had no idea how right he was. It is a fucking tragedy, and you know why? Because I sat through the entire thing. I could’ve gotten up at any point and just said, “Fuck this. I know when I’m being triggered” but I didn’t. I didn’t really know it was a trigger at first, but the moment I realized it, I should’ve removed myself from the situation. I had every right to do that, but I didn’t because—as one of my waterbrothers said—I’m “certainly a committed student”.
Really, though, it’s because I still want people to like me, want people to not dislike me, want to not rock the boat, want to be “a good girl”, want to believe that if I do the right things—say the right things, wear the right things—that I’ll be safe. But I wasn’t safe that time. I had thought I was safe, and I wasn’t. I was with someone I trusted, and he betrayed me.
I left the class and started shaking. I called one of my waterbrothers and hung up the phone on the second ring. He called me back. I told him I needed him because I knew I was about to have a panic attack and I didn’t want to be alone. I drove home on autopilot and he found me there, sitting in my car, hyperventilating. He took me back to his house and held me while I cried and told me that I was safe, that whatever had happened was over now, and that he would hold me for as long as it took.
And then, after I’d calmed down some, he kissed me. And he kept kissing me, and I was thinking to myself, “Again? Please, not again.” But I was kissing him back because I actually do like him that way sometimes and I was just reacting, but it was too soon—still, even after all this time—and too fast, and after a few minutes, I was trying to get away and saying “no, no, no” over and over.
He held me there, and it wasn’t the same kind of hold as the one that time because suddenly he was whispering urgently in my ear, “God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry” and I was shaking and crying again and he was holding me tightly, saying, “Goddamnit, I’m so sorry; you were vulnerable and I took advantage and I’m so sorry”.
And I wanted to scream at him, “Yes! Yes, you did take advantage!” but I didn’t because I couldn’t get the words out in between my sobs. When I could breathe again, he stroked my hair and let me just lean against him, listening to his heartbeat, for a long time.
Finally, just when I thought maybe he’d fallen asleep, he said, “Something happened tonight that made you remember something traumatic that happened to you, and I was supposed to be safe for you, but instead I made you remember twice. I’m so, so sorry. I’m no better than him.”
I was silent for a minute, thinking about it, thinking maybe I should agree with him, and then I leaned up and looked him in the eyes and said, “Yes, maybe you did, but you know the difference?”
It was his turn to be silent for a minute, and I could tell he didn’t believe there was a difference. Finally, I prodded him further, “Do you?”
“What?” he asked gruffly.
“You stopped.”
One Paragraph 3
by V.E. on November 3rd, 2011
filed under entertainment, one paragraph
Alcohol, Shirt & Kiss (finished 28 October 2011)
Well, I can’t complain about two guys kissing each other, but I tend to like more explicit yaoi manga. The interaction between the two main characters isn’t too realistic, I don’t think—it is erotica, after all—but suspending my disbelief wasn’t a problem. The short at the end, “Moon Kiss”, was cute and ended unexpectedly. Kind of nice to be pleasantly surprised, you know?
Ai no Exorcist (viewed at home as it aired online April-Ocober 2011)
An anime that doesn’t really do anything new but held my interest long enough for me to watch all 25 episodes. I thought, by the end, that perhaps the younger brother (Yukio) had been the protagonist all along, even though much of the story centered on the elder brother (Rin). I think my favorite characters were Shiro (the brothers’ adoptive father)—even though he’s barely in it—and Mephisto (the school’s headmaster/chairman).
Garbo’s Cuban Lover (viewed at Macha Theatre 08 October 2011)
Went to see this stage play in West Hollywood with a friend, Joyce. Really enjoyed it, even though we got lost on the way there. ^_^;; Notes: two restrooms (one unisex, the other women only), no outside food or drink allowed, a can of Coke at the bar costs $2, one glass of White Zinfandel costs $10 (reason #837259 I don’t drink). The theatre is smaller than I was expecting (makes for an intimate experience, at least, right?), but the play itself wholly made up for that. Well written, well staged, and well acted. Also, lesbians kissing/being frisky/sexin’ it up, and who doesn’t like watching that? Would definitely see it again (after reading up on Mercedes de Acosta and Greta Garbo), if I could afford it. T_T See also.
The PhD Movie (viewed at Caltech‘s Beckman Auditorium 22 September 2011)
We meant to see the first showing (we didn’t know there would be another showing after the first), but the auditorium was full up right as we reached the steps up to the door. Saw this with Dad (his suggestion), sister, Mom, and Grandma. It’s really funny in an “ouch, that’s actually true” kind of way. If you haven’t read the comic, start here. Highly recommended for anyone who has worked toward a degree in higher learning, and for everyone who’s thought about it! Brother will be seeing it on his campus in November!
Seven Days in Utopia (viewed in theaters 04 September 2011)
It was (I think) Dad’s idea to see this movie, so the whole family (Dad, Mom, me, Bunny, and Grandma; not Johnny since he’s out of state) piled into the car and then piled into the theater. For a movie about golf, it was… okay. My mom really likes Robert Redford Duvall (Redford, too, probably), so she thought it was pretty good. It pretty spectacularly failed the Bechdel Test (no surprise there), but I was pleasantly surprised when the lady love interest told the main character, “No. It’s too soon” when he tried to kiss her. And then he didn’t pressure her. The sports commentators at the end were really, really irritating (all the talking over the action is about half the reason I dislike watching sports in the first place), but overall I didn’t mind sitting there watching it, even if the entire film turned out to be, as my sister said, “the longest, most elaborate website advertizement I’ve ever seen.” Like I said, meh. It wasn’t great. It wasn’t absolutely terrible.
